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Intro to BDSM
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:53 am
A lot of people come to me asking for literature on BDSM. I learned from this website when I was younger and new to the BDSM world. It has since been taken down because it used to be maintain by a real life Master and slave couple. They broke up, the material was deleted. I'll be pasting excerpts of information I think would be helpful to TGT's staff and perhaps when I'm done, community. As a disclaimer, I want to say that there is no right or wrong way to go about practicing BDSM, so long as the lessons are applied appropriately. Take from this what you will and apply it to your characters ICly. It's just some reference material for you to get ideas from. It's written from the perspective of Master Stern and his thrall, slave yielding. These pages will not be "right" for everyone, nor should they be. I only hope they hold something of value to those who use them.
Again. I reiterate. This was a real life relationship. So please adapt it to your RP as you need or want. These two people were consenting adults living in the United States.
Re: Intro to BDSM
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:10 am
The first site I came across was this, http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
May be somewhat helpful. If I could load up Midori's book on BDSM and Kinky Sex, it'd be a perfect answer. :P Xeromag also talks about being poly.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:11 am
"The property of power is to protect." - Blaise Pascal
Guidelines are based on 5 primary principals:
Caring, Discipline, Consistency, Devotion, and Honesty
In many ways the responsibilities of the Master are simpler than those of a slave. The first of his responsibilities is self-discipline. While a slave serves solely at her Masterâ€™s wish, the Master must remain, first and foremost, Master of his own realm. Nothing in the words that follow should be construed to be a slave's â€œbill of rights.â€ Slaves have no rights beyond that of self-dismissal. The guidelines are for the edification and review of the Master alone.
A Master expects that his greatest burden will be in caring for and training his slaves, and he willfully and explicitly accepts that responsibility. If at any time he determines he is unable to bear this burden, he must relinquish his status of Master and release his slaves from all obligations to him. A Master understands that the basis of all his power lies in his willingness to carry this burden.
A Master must maintain a caring, compassionate environment for his slaves. He must review his performance over time, taking into account things that he does to promote the health and well-being of his subjects. Near the time of the solstice, winter and summer, he should look back and reread these self-imposed mandates, and if necessary, take corrective measures to change his own behavior. A Master has the responsibility for the physical, emotional, and fiscal well-being of his subjects. He must be sure that, should his slaves be employed for his own benefit or to benefit the household, that employment is safe. While he may deny his slaves many things, a Master must make certain that he does so out of love. He must convey to his slaves the knowledge that denial of privilege or property is not a punishment (in most cases) but part of training, an act meant to help them move forward in the journey toward ideal servitude.
A Master must maintain a regimen of discipline that fosters the progress of his slaves into an ever more dutiful and subservient mindset. Discipline must be used to correct behavior and to train his slaves to behave in a proper and pleasing manner, according to his wishes. Punishment is to be used to offer a subject the opportunity to redeem herself after committing some transgression. It is permissible that punishment, in some form of torture, be used for the sheer delight of the Master. The Master should instruct the slave as to which function punishment is meant to serve in order that she maintain the proper mind-set while being used in such situations.
A Master must remain consistent in matters of treatment of his slaves. Standards of behavior and discipline, established over time, must be adhered to. Not all slaves will be subject to the same standards of behavior, and the Master must clearly delineate the differences in those standards, and maintain good reasons for differences, none of which are necessarily divulged to the slaves. Variations from the standard are permissible only where specifically addressed. It is the Master's responsibility to provide an environment where his slaves can be certain that expectations of their service and behavior do not vary according to whim. If in the course of events it becomes necessary to vary rules of conduct, the Master will make sufficient explanations to his slaves in order to alleviate ambiguity and assure them of his continued Mastery in the face of changing conditions.
It is of paramount importance that a Master truly love and care for his subjects. He should make his love known to his slaves from time to time. It is His duty to make any declination in his love for any subject known as soon as practical, and offer that subject an option of dismissal should such an event occur. In the event of dismissal from service, the Master will return to the subject any and all property that was wholly owned by the subject prior to rituals of enslavement. A Master should accept no slave into his service whose presence would irrevocably injure another slave's physical or emotional well-being. It is not expected that the presence of multiple slaves within the relationship will be trouble-free; expect quite the contrary. The addition of a second, and possibly third slave will create stress and give rise to issues. A Master should use such times to explore, discuss and better delineate the dynamics of the relationship.
A Master need not tell his slaves all he knows. He may reserve information at his discretion; however, any and all information presented to his subjects must always be the truth. Lies should not be tolerated in any form. Honesty is the basis for trust in any relationship, especially a D/s relationship. The relationship will suffer greatly as soon as the first lie is told. It is permissible to deliver misinformation to a slave during a scene where such disinformation is important to the psychological aspects of that scene, (for example, in a scene where the escalation of fear is part of drama being played out.)
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:11 am
A slave is a slave by choice; her Masterâ€™s slave by His generous consent. she is among the few and fortunate â€“ one of those people who is able to live her dream. When accepting her Master's collar, a slave must do so with the knowledge that her lifestyle will be inexorably changed, and that her outlook will have to change to accommodate it. A slave begins in training and remains in training â€“ it is a process that has no end. she continues to learn how to put her Masterâ€™s needs and desires ahead of her own at all times. she continues to learn appreciation for service, both when it brings her joy and when she would prefer solitude and her own pursuits. she continues to learn how to accept the answers she is given, and how to be accountable for her own behavior, as judged solely by her Master. she continues to discover the true meaning of unquestioning obedience and unfailingly loyalty. her Master has assumed a great responsibility for her, and must be responded to in kind.
A slaveâ€™s Duties:
1. Self-Awareness & Personal Growth:
The first duty of a slave is to herself. Without a healthy amount of self-respect and a firm belief in the validity of her choices, she can be of no use to anyone else, particularly her Master. Slavery is not about low self-esteem or self-deprecation. Itâ€™s not about avoiding lifeâ€™s responsibilities at anotherâ€™s expense. Itâ€™s not about being or becoming a less intelligent, engaging and inclusive person; rather it is about putting those qualities to their best use. she must do her best to preserve and expand her emotional health, maintain her sense of clarity and purpose, and uphold her willingness to carry on, despite roadblocks or mistakes.
A slave should be aware of her strengths and talents, and she must gladly offer them to her Master for His own purposes. From the most exhilarating sexual experience to the most mundane task, whatever she does should be geared toward the growth of the relationship and her personal growth within it. she must always be willing to learn and expand her horizons for the betterment of the relationship. she is not victim or a martyr, and she can never be productive by thinking in those terms.
A slave does not â€œkeep tabsâ€ on issues of reciprocity, but accepts responsibility for her behavior alone. her training is not designed to create the perfect Master, but instead to transform her into the ideal slave. This thought should remain foremost in her mind.
A slave's Master may still seek her opinions, and when asked, she should offer them with forthright honesty. In all cases she must remember that as valuable as she considers her counsel to be, in the end, only her Master can determine its importance. A slaveâ€™s recommendation, if allowed, is only one of the many ways a Master makes His choices. The slave's duty is to honor His choices and express gratitude for the small part she may have played in them.
Becoming a good slave is a challenging aspiration, and one that requires practice and perseverance. Everything a slave does in the context of the relationship is meant to be of service. Whether His mood is lenient or strict, demanding or relaxed, her Master expects her to serve Him in any number of ways, and at His convenience.
The slave's duty is to be aware of her Masterâ€™s comfort, familiarize herself with His needs, His routines, His habits and His passions - and learn how best to accommodate them. Those needs that arenâ€™t anticipated should be carried out at the instant of command.
Service should not draw attention to itself. It is meant to be unobtrusive, yet always available. A slave's actions should never demand thanks or acknowledgment, nor should she lead her Master to believe she expects them. she must remember that the best forms of service weave themselves gracefully into the fabric of the situation without disrupting the intricacies of its pattern. Service is not meant to be inflicted, but interlaced.
Unhesitating obedience is the Masterâ€™s due. Because she took the time to get to know her Master before gladly dedicating herself to His service, because she trusts Him with every aspect of her life, and because she knows His decisions are always made with her best interest in mind, it would be foolish not to acquiesce to His wisdom. It is a slave's duty to strive for complete obedience to her Master's will.
A slave is obliged to approach her Master if obedience creates a question or concern, but only with the proper attitude and only at the appropriate time. It is never correct to disobey her Master in public or in any situation where His Mastery might come into question by others. Obedience encourages others to think of her Master as she does - worthy and blessed with the ability to rule effectively.
Obeying the rules set forth for her proves to her Master that she trusts Him and is willing to live by His codes and values. It teaches her what is expected of her, and leaves no room for ambiguous notions of â€œblame.â€ Obedience demonstrates to her Master that she is trustworthy and can be depended upon.
4. Attitude and Respect
The structured nature of a Master/slave relationship demands the acknowledgment of a hierarchy. Within the larger structure, the adoration a slave feels for her Master can be recognized through the use of a prescribed form of address. A slave must address her Master by title when speaking to Him, speaking about Him or writing about Him, unless they are in a situation where it would cause embarrassment to Him or to others. Even at those times, she should make every effort to recognize the differences between them.
A slave's Master must always be approached with respect â€“ with a tone of voice that does not indicate anger, frustration or exasperation. The slave must ask for permission to speak freely, and if it is granted, be certain that she can convey her thoughts calmly, logically and without redundancy. she must remember that the opportunity to use her voice is as easily lost as it is contracted, and she must preserve an attitude of graciousness and gratefulness while speaking to her Master.
A slaveâ€™s demeanor is as important as the words she chooses. The appropriate stance is never determined or defiant, but open and accepting. It is wrong to cross the arms or set the jaw. Unless given leave to do otherwise, a Master should always see His slave with downcast eyes, open palms and formal posture. When it is possible to kneel, she should do so. When placed in a position she must hold, she should not fidget, whine or display signs of discomfort, but remember that she pleases her Master best through her obedience.
The preservation of â€œslave spaceâ€ is of utmost importance, and can be sustained by subduing uncultivated behaviors. A slave may be playful, spontaneous or fun-loving, but cannot maintain her focus on servitude if she is agitated, noisy or raucous. Where submissives have the freedom to exhibit a certain careless freedom, slaves must demonstrate self-restraint and moderation. It is impossible to be attentive if she is engaged in activities that donâ€™t include Him. she must remember she is the visible evidence of her Masterâ€™s training.
Removing her clothes in her Master's presence is not a sexual act but a symbolic one. Nudity represents the removal of all barriers that would keep Him from His slave. It indicates her desire to hide nothing and to keep no secrets. It is a constant reminder of who she is and what that means. Nudity in His presence is a privilege that allows her to slough off the imposed mantle of the outside world and immerse herself in the world He has offered her.
5. Acceptance of Punishment:
Punishment is an electrifying gift. With it comes the return of clarity and form, and the ability to reason based solely on the heart, not on social precepts, which so often hold us back. In itâ€™s most effective and practical form it is non-sexual, but leaves me with a profound understanding of structure, a reflective wisdom and a challenge for the future. At its best, punishment produces gratitude.
It is up to the slave to understand the difference between punishment and discipline, and not to confuse them. It is up to her to accept that punishment is part of her life-style and can be administered without erotic elements, and as often as is necessary to accomplish a change in her behavior. It is inappropriate for a slave to ask for punishment; her Master decides what behaviors need correction and how best to correct them. she will remember He needs no â€œpointersâ€ from a slave.
It is appropriate, however, for her to ask for His guidance in hopes of correcting a behavior before it reaches the punishment stage. Further, she must confess any and all disobedience in accordance with the tenet of absolute honesty. An infraction unconfessed is a lie. she must remember to ask for explanations if she is unclear on something, and understand that failure to ask will not absolve her from consequences.
A slave does not determine any aspect of her sexuality. As with all other facets of her life, her sexual drive, creativity and enjoyment are useful only in service to her Master. she must remember that, in her Master's eyes, sexual service is no more or less important than any of the other tasks she is assigned. Failure to perform properly, or performance that lacks enthusiasm is a sign of disrespect and is as punishable as any other act of disobedience.
A slave is obliged to meet her Master's sexual needs on demand, and obliged to understand that she may be put to better use elsewhere.
she must remember that sexual release is a reward for good behavior. her personal pleasure is not a determining factor in sexual situations with her Master. A slave strives to please without regard to her own pleasure. To be sent away without release should only be disappointing if she has failed her Master in some way, and that disappointment can only be leveled at her own performance.
24/7 A Dose of Reality
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:14 am
During the creation and posting of this site, we've encountered one or two raised eyebrows and several questions regarding the practicality and the possibility of such an obviously structured and severely defined lifestyle. We have read and heard that 24/7 BDSM just doesn't work "After all," an acquaintance once remarked, "you don't do that all the time." We'd like to take the opportunity to respond to that charge.
Of course we don't "do" this "all the time." No one does. We don't eat all the time either, nor do we sleep all the time, talk all the time, smile, laugh or cry all the time. Yet 24/7 BDSM is as essential to our lives as any of these things.
We believe that "24/7" is best defined as an attitude, not as a prescribed set of behaviors. Master Stern does not always pace the domain of His home with a riding crop at the ready, and slave yielding is not always cleaning or crawling. Yet there is never a question as to who is the Master and who is the slave, and that is what defines us as a 24/7 couple. That is really all that can define anyone as a 24/7 couple.
In those areas we can, and at the times we can, we live like Master and slave. There are some things we "always" do, and some things we do only when we are able. But even in the absence of certain condition, we remain fully aware of who makes the final decisions and who controls the situation.
We continue to grow as a couple and as individuals. Neither slave yielding nor Master Stern are automatons in any sense of the word. Both of us are intelligent, both of us have personalities, senses of humor, individual needs, desires and preferences. Neither of us feel denied by the structure of 24/7 BDSM - in fact, we have found the freedom to be who we have always wanted to be, and to be loved unconditionally within its structure. We have both become better people as a result of practicing a 24/7 lifestyle. Our self-esteem has grown, as have our expectations of ourselves, each other & our mutual relationship.
We agree that this lifestyle is not for everyone; certainly it is not for the individual who believes that it can encompass an entire existence to the exclusion of all else. As is stated throughout these pages, 24/7 should not be a "first step" into the world of BDSM. It is only through the course of time that a Dominant or a submissive becomes capable of integrating the special needs of a 24/7 relationship into an everyday life. It is the rare individual who can sustain this kind of lifestyle as a beginning step. In fact, we have never met anyone who claims to have done so.
We do not wish anyone to read these pages believing that we are "experts" in the field of BDSM. We are not. What you will find here is what has worked for us, based on our experience. If general statements are made, they are likely written that way for ease of readability, not because we believe a thing to be true for everyone.
We do not wish to insult your intelligence by putting a disclaimer after every statement or on every page. Nor do we wish to give the impression that everything we say is true for every couple. We must, at some point, leave it up to the reader to determine the practicality of these pages for him/herself.
If you believe a loving, fulfilling and practical 24/7 relationship is an impossibility, it probably is, for you. That is a judgment only you can make.
In The Beginning
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:17 am
Do not begin this program lightly:
This program is not a guide to the BDSM scene, a manual for curious couples, or a method by which sexual fantasies are fulfilled. It is a truncated guide to a way of life, and is intended for those who wish to create an environment for themselves that enhances their innate Dominant and submissive qualities. It should not be viewed as simply another method of "play."
Owning and training a slave is serious business. Before embarking on a training program, you must determine what you want and for how long you want it. When you have accepted a slave, and she consensually gives up her freedoms to you, you have accepted, for all intents and purposes, a dependent. The slave will, because of her own needs and desires, function under your authority and at your whim. You are responsible for her.
Standing Master over another human being's life is the greatest responsibility a Dominant can accept. In many ways it resembles parenting a child. In the case of parenthood, you know that as time goes by you will have less and less responsibility for the daily affairs of your child. In the case of a slave, that burden remains more or less constant for life.
Unlike a play partner, a bottom or a submissive, a slave is her Master's property, not in the legal sense, but in spirit. As such, like a much loved pet or cherished record album, she is treated as property. This is often challenging for both slave and Master. However, it is a concept that should be internalized by both parties and reinforced by the Master. You are the authority, and you must not be slack in maintaining that authority. If you ignore a slave's training, you will be left with a slave whose needs are not met. In order to find ways to meet her own needs, she will misbehave to get your attention. That is not fair to either of you.
The idea of "consensual slavery" may at first seem to be a contradiction and an impossibility. However, if we compare it to military service, the contradiction disappears. When a person signs a contract for service in the armed forces, he or she is accepting a form of consensual slavery. For the time of that contract, the person is "owned" (and legally so) by the military. The hierarchy is understood and the recruit is subject to the absolute rule of superiors. If ordered to march in the rain, he does so. If punished or disciplined by cleaning the latrine with a toothbrush, he accepts it. His life is structured, his movements are monitored, his privacy is stripped from him and to an extent, his thought processes change to accommodate the "contract." He learns how to behave to avoid consequences, how to work effectively and efficiently, and in many cases looks back on his military experience as a worthwhile experience.
When the period of his contract is up, the benefits of continued service are weighed against the drawbacks. Sometimes the person feels that the military is not for him, or that even if it did benefit him, he does not want to continue, and in that case, he withdraws.
A slave contract provides the same option to the trainee. Especially if she has no experience with slavery, the idea of a life-long commitment as your slave may be too much. If a temporary contract is signed, she has the option to decline continuing on the path of slavery. Perhaps she will find it is not for her.
The ultimate goal of slave training is to enhance qualities of submissive behavior that already exist in the slave, so that she becomes more comfortable with herself, has a higher level of self-esteem and self-respect, and is able to embrace and celebrate those qualities. Her ability to serve you with grace and dignity will follow.
Do not make the mistake of believing that a list of rules, repeated punishments, or a signature on a contract will somehow create a good slave. A good slave is not a human being whose will has been broken, but one whose choices have been reinforced and solidified, one who has been given every opportunity to grow within those choices.
Always keep your "purpose" in mind. Each area of a slave's training should be meant to accomplish something - not just for you, but for her. The Master's challenge, especially in a 24/7 relationship, is self-restraint. A slave should never be taken advantage of or taken for granted because of her place. "Pulling rank" for its own sake is an act of selfishness, not a sign of Mastery.
Paradoxically, a slave's challenge is to accept that her Master has the right to "pull rank" should He see fit. She is obliged to remain focused on her place in the relationship without analyzing her Master's methods or reasoning. In a healthy Master/slave relationship, the slave trusts her Master, and therefore trusts His methodology. Further, an emotionally sound slave (and you should determine emotional health before granting anyone the status of slave) recognizes if she is being abused and simply does not accept it.
You will find yourself filling many shoes as your slave's training progresses; teacher, counselor, father, disciplinarian, mentor and object of worship to name a few. You must be able to fill these roles and do so with integrity. A serious Master will not attempt to create a slave while neglecting one or more of the necessary roles.
The 3 Areas of Focus:
Each of these areas of training is as important as its counterparts. Each is connected to the other at the core of slavery. While your training won't focus on only one area at a time, since all areas overlap, focusing on one area to the exclusion of another will not create a slave. It will, at best, create a play partner.
The beginning stages of training, while they may incorporate techniques such as position training and service training, should focus more on the psychological aspects of slavery. Ultimately, your needs must be met, but if you are interested in a long-term, possibly life-long term arrangement as Master and slave, you must be able to search the slave's mind, find out why she needs what she needs, figure out how best to meet those needs without compromising yours, and then train her psychologically as well as physically. Thorough understanding of your slave creates an atmosphere of trust and loyalty.
Understanding your slave psychologically helps you determine her physical needs as well, and assists you in integrating her needs with your own. Training her body creates in her the constant awareness of being owned property. Her movements are monitored, her physical needs are met at your discretion, and her form is used for practical as well as pleasurable purposes.
Used here, the "spirit" of the slave encompasses the intensity of her desire to serve and please, her drive to immerse herself in her role and your rule, her feelings of adoration, and even worship, for her Master, and her degree of self-worth. The spirit of the slave often develops naturally, and "training" the spirit is centered on training the slave to deal with the issues that surround it. Training in this area includes learning to come to terms with and celebrate the ideals of slavery.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:20 am
"Long-term 24/7 BDSM is a marathon, not a sprint." Steve & Carolyn Vakesh Before beginning a training program, you must have a clear idea where you want the relationship to go. It is essential, as it is in any long-term relationship, to understand one another and to be clear about individual expectations. The decision to train, and certainly the decision to enter into a binding contract, should wait until both of you agree about your goals for yourselves and your expectations of one another.
Obviously the essential first step here is communication, but equally important is the formation of a "plan of action." Both Master and slave need to ask themselves, "What do I want from this relationship?" Compose a questionnaire of sorts that both you and the slave can answer individually. Once that is done, compare your answers. When you are in disagreement about a particular item, discussion is called for, perhaps even (!) compromise.
Clearly the slave, who is coming to you for training either through application or because your relationship has taken that turn is not in a position to determine the finer points of the process. The Master must not allow himself to "barter" with the slave to such a degree that her authority ranks with his own. Assuming your relationship has already passed through the early stages (and it is my belief that it should have before slave training begins), your advantage is that you already know one another quite well -- so well, in fact, that the slave-to-be may have to be ordered to communicate honestly rather than provide you with answers she believes you want to hear.
General questions to answer individually and discuss.
What do I want from this relationship for myself?
What do I want from this relationship for my Master/slave?
Where do I see this relationship in five years? Ten years?
What am I ethically/morally incapable of doing to achieve these goals?
After comparing answers, discuss them until you come to mutually satisfactory answers for each. Then move on to more specific questions.
Rate the following in order of importance (1 being most important):
What are the most important qualities in a Master?
Decision Making Skills___
Sexual Skill ___
Sense of Humor ___
Physical Characteristics ___
Authority & Control ___
Attention to Safety ___
Positive Self Image ___
What are the most important qualities in a slave?
Physical Attributes ___
Desire to Please ___
Communication Skills ___
Sense of Humor ___
Trust in Master___
Adherence to Rules___
Positive Self Image___
Before comparing your answers, take the time to rate each item the way you believe your Master/slave will rate it. While its unlikely all your ratings will be the same, they needn't be. It is helpful to discuss why you chose your ratings. If you find that your ratings are completely different (for example, if the slave rates "physical attributes" with a 1, and you have it at the bottom of the list) you should discuss those things in detail. As Master, you must be able to determine if disparity in beliefs is something that the two of you can overcome and still remain faithful to the tenets of a Master/slave relationship.
Also ask yourselves the following questions:
What are 3 things I find especially good about our relationship as it is now?
What are 3 things I would like to improve/change about our relationship in training?
What areas does slave wish to deal with in training?
What areas does Master wish to deal with in training?
How will our relationship improve as a result of training?
What do I think the most challenging areas of training will be for me? For my Master/slave?
Should slave training have a time limit, or should it be ongoing?
What steps can I take to work toward the relationship's goals?
Re: Intro to BDSM
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:31 am
A slave contract is in no way legally binding. It's purpose is to solidify the points of agreement between you and the slave-in-training, and to provide a ritualistic gesture, which increases the slave's awareness of the importance of the commitment. Include in it the only the most pertinent information; save the details for another venue. Keep it simple and general. There should be plenty of leeway within it to account for the unforeseen events that happen in every relationship.
The contract should not be terribly lengthy. If you need to refer to it through an appendix, it's too long. Nor should the document contain grandiose "legalese" unless you both know how to speak it.
The slave contract should not include rules of behavior, except in a general sense. Including the slave's mode of dress, ritualistic rules or details regarding sexuality or personal hygiene are nothing more than invitations to break the contract. Once broken, the contract must either be re-evaluated and rewritten as soon as possible or it becomes a meaningless piece of paper and a waste of time. The contract should not attempt to include the "fantasy" portion of the relationship, but should be a binding document meaningful to both parties.
As with any contractual arrangement, both parties should agree with what has been proposed, and both parties should be free to discuss points, ask questions and make suggestions. It should be understood (and made clear to the slave) that until she signs, she is under no obligation to the terms of the contract.
As Master or Trainer, it is up to you to compose the terms of the agreement, and put them on the table for discussion. Of course you have the option of inflexibility, and depending upon the nature of your relationship at the time of the signing, you will make the final determination about the specifics of the contract.
If you choose inflexibility, you must be prepared to have the contract rejected. To insure the emotional safety of the trainee, you must also be able to accept its rejection without consequence to the slave. If you can't do this, you are not prepared to enter into a contractual agreement. (The slave must should understand the same thing, but because of her more vulnerable position in the D/s world, you must be the one to take the emotional "hit" if necessary.)
Discuss the contract with the slave in a non-threatening, comfortable venue. The slave should have your express permission to speak freely, and lapses such as not using your title should be overlooked during the discussion. Remember, the slave is making a choice that has potential effect on the course of her life.
When the terms are agreed upon, set a date for a formal signing when both of you have plenty of time, or when your witnesses can be present, should you choose to have witnesses. The slave should present herself to you wearing nothing, kneeling "up," reaffirm her desire to enter training and ask your permission to do so.
The slave should then be instructed to read the contract aloud. Listen carefully, and ask the slave if she fully understands the terms of the contract and agrees to those terms. Upon her acceptance, both of you should sign the contract. Present her with a simple training collar, to be worn until she has completed the training program.
The slave should then thank you by whatever means you deem appropriate, and both of you should consider her formal training as having begun at that moment. (The contract should be held by you, but available to the slave in the proper forum - in other words, the slave can't ask to view the contract during a punishment, but should be able to do so if she makes a respectful request.)
One thing to remember about the contract: Once signed, both parties are expected to abide by it for the duration. There is no point in signing a contract that either of you can get out of because you don't want to "play" anymore. The slave should understand, without question, that during the length of the contract term, she has agreed not only to live by your rules, but that she has agreed to live as your slave, and is subject to your authority.
It should also be understood by both parties that neither has the option of breaking the terms of the agreement. It goes without saying that she will make mistakes, but if the general terms of the contract are not upheld, she should understand that she will not be able to simply "stop." The contract pledges servitude to you for a certain period of time, and she must be very clearly aware that she will be made to continue her obligations until its end.
Since no slave contract is legally binding, there is no threat of legal action should the contract be broken. The "threat" must be stated as follows: if the slave fails to adhere to the principles of the contract and causes it to become null and void through dismissal of those principles, she should consider her training immediately at an end, and should not expect another opportunity to be trained by you. You must be firm in this and prepared to follow through should the slave choose to dismiss the contract. Circumstances that would allow her a "second chance" are extremely rare.
Of course, your obligation is the same. The threat to you, however, is implied. If you do not uphold your end of the bargain, if your training is sporadic and your guidance is not available, your slave will likely not pursue a relationship with you past the time of the contract. She will not be able to trust you or respect your decisions. Further, you will make little, if any progress during the training period.
It is absolutely essential that you prove yourself trustworthy and consider yourself bound by the terms of a signed contract. If, for any reason, you feel you cannot pledge as much as you expect the slave to pledge, do NOT use a contract.
*If you feel you cannot reasonably uphold the principles of the Master/slave relationship to the point where you feel uncomfortable signing a contract, you should reconsider your desire to own a slave. With or without a contract, your responsibility remains the same.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:31 am
Note: The following is not the contract between myself & slave yielding - our names have been used to facilitate readability.
This contract has been read and discussed, and is understood by both Master Stern & yielding to be a binding document regarding the terms of yielding's initial slave Training Program. One year from the date of signing, Master Stern will make one of two recommendations based on quarterly performance evaluations.
(Recommendations are made only by Master Stern and are irrevocable):
1. trainee will be accepted as slave to Master Stern, sign a contract to that effect, and be presented with an official slave collar. she will be given the option of continuing with the next portion of training, or accepting her position as is, with no further official training, but continued discipline and maintenance.
2. If her performance is unsatisfactory, it will be recommended that the trainee repeat all or part of the training course before being granted a permanent collar and the status of slave. The trainee will be given the opportunity to decline repeat training and be released from service to Master Stern.
a. In the event of release, all property and financial holdings belonging to the trainee at the time of this signing will be returned to her. Training collar will be returned to Master Stern.
b. If living in Master Stern's home, trainee agrees to vacate within 90 days.
c. trainee will begin immediate preparations to find housing, work, etc. Master Stern may be called upon for guidance and assistance as His time allows and for limited financial assistance should it be necessary. (Continuing financial aid will be limited to 30 days after trainee leaves Master Stern's home.)
Both parties agree to an initial "slave Training Program" lasting no less than one year, during which time both parties will adhere to the signed contract and be bound to uphold the responsibilities presented within. Contract is intact for one full year, except in the event of family, health or other emergency situations, which will arrest the contract for an adequate and agreed upon period of time. (Time periods to be discussed when emergency arises.)
Master Stern agrees to provide for trainee's welfare, either through direct support (should trainee reside in Master's home) or through financial management (should trainee live outside Master's home.) Living arrangements will be determined by Master Stern.
Master Stern agrees to provide slave with opportunities for professional health maintenance (medical, dental, psychological) on a preventative basis and when specific needs arise.
Master Stern will not inflict permanent injury upon trainee, either physically or psychologically.
Master Stern will provide adequate opportunity for trainee's success in the program. trainee's performance will be reviewed quarterly, affording her knowledge of areas in which she may need extra work, and providing her sufficient time to improve.
slave trainee yielding agrees to obey Master Stern to the best of her ability in all matters.
slave trainee yielding pledges her loyalty to Master Stern and puts her well-being in His hands.
slave trainee yielding agrees to abide by Master Stern's rules and acknowledges that she will accept responsibility for her actions either through punishment or reward.
slave trainee yielding agrees to strive for successful completion of the training program and understands her performance and future status will be judged by Master Stern alone.
1. Upon signing, slave trainee becomes, and will be looked upon as property of Master Stern.
2. slave trainee will be expected to learn and abide by all House rules.
3. slave trainee will be responsible for any or all household duties, to be determined by Master Stern or his "charge" slave. (Duties to Master Stern may or may not vary despite work outside His home.)
Household duties include, but are not limited to, general cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, mending, yard work, trash removal, light maintenance (i.e. painting), gardening, cleaning/waxing cars, plant and pet care.
4. slave trainee's sexuality is determined by Master Stern. trainee gives up all sexual rights to her body and is prohibited any sexual contact with others or herself that is not pre-authorized or commanded by Master Stern.
5. slave trainee will be given a quarterly assignment that must be displayed to Master Stern's satisfaction in order to successfully complete the training program.
1. Assignments can include, but are not limited to: basic cooking skills, erotic dance, Japanese tea service, sewing skills, computer skills, techniques of fellatio, singing or other musical entertainment skills, or any other skill that can be put to use for the practical or pleasurable benefit of Master Stern.
2. Assignments are meant to promote slave trainee's self-discipline and assess the amount of effort she puts to a larger task. Therefore, Master Stern will have no hand in training in these areas. slave trainee will research and implement her own course of study, which she will present to Master Stern on or around the time of her next quarterly review.
3. If slave trainee cannot produce adequate results by the time of review, she will be allowed to continue to practice throughout the course of her training - however, will still be expected to accept a new quarterly assignment as well.
Signature of Master
Signature of slave trainee
Techniques for Establishing Control
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:32 am
A slave in training must feel her Master's control in every aspect of her life. The best way to begin achieving control over mind, body & spirit is through the use of restriction. Once the slave understands that her freedoms are being denied her, she understands the scope of her commitment and becomes less able to think of herself as a "free" person. However, you must find a balance between building a trusting relationship and limiting freedom. You must not allow yourself to become a "captor" rather than a Master.
Restrict the slave's environment:
Environmental restrictions, used sensibly, open up the world of full-time service to the slave. "Sensibly" is the key word here. While it may be nice to fantasize about having a woman locked in a cage and only allowed out when she is needed, it's hardly practical, nor is it conducive to creating the bond of trust that is absolutely necessary in a Master/slave relationship. However, it is wise to control the slave's movements, especially in the first stages of her training program. This can be accomplished in numerous ways.
* Restricting the slave to the house. (This is only effective if the slave does not work outside the home.) The slave should not be allowed outside the confines of your home (even on its grounds) unless she is accompanied by you or someone you have placed "in charge" of her. This kind of restriction can continue for several weeks until it is modified to allow for brief periods away from home.
o Initially, all forays into the outside world should have purpose that relates directly to her place as slave (i.e. running errands for you, washing your car, etc.)
o The slave should be given an adequate amount of time to complete the task and return directly home - no more.
o These initial "trips" should be issued as rewards for good behavior - even though the slave's time is spent in areas of service. Misbehaving, or spending more time away than is allowed should be met by rescinding the reward for a period of time.
* Restricting the slave within the house. (More effective for those slaves who work outside the home) The slave should have places in your home that are "off-limits" to her. This could be your bedroom, your study, or even a closet or chest of drawers where your personal things are kept.
o If your home is large enough, restrict the slave to certain rooms for the first few days or weeks of her training period. The rooms she uses should be only those that are necessary (i.e. kitchen, bathroom, sleeping quarters)
o If your home is small, consider restricting the slave physically. (i.e. chain her to a piece of furniture or a pipe in the bathroom) When she must move from room to room, see that she is confined to a small space and not free to roam.
o Even after the training program is complete, certain restrictions should still apply to the slave. She may be restricted from using furniture, sleeping in the Master's bed, doing things without permission, etc. This is a maintenance technique that helps to continually reinforce place and status.
* Long Term Environmental Restriction: Locking the slave up alone or "caging" her for long periods of time is not recommended in the initial stages of training, especially if the slave does not know you well and has not bonded with you. In most cases, long-term restriction is considered extreme, but can possibly be used as punishment for severe or repeated disobedience.
* Hopefully it goes without saying that a slave who is physically bound must always have a means of escape. Should you have a heart attack and die, should there be a fire or another sort of emergency, the slave needs to know how to release herself. Always.
o This is most easily achieved by placing a key in a sealed envelope within her reach, if her bonds are locking. Use sealing wax. The slave should be reminded that you will know if she has opened the envelope, and that if you don't see flames, she ought to have a very good reason for having done so. (Make sure you allow the slave to use the key before you seal it in the envelope. Be certain she knows how to free herself if she needs to.)
o If the slave is bound with rope, learn how to tie a "quick release" knot. The slave should be able to easily pull the rope and have the bonds fall free. If you can't do this, don't use rope.
o Obviously, the slave's hands must be free if her restriction takes place out of your sight.
* Do not disregard the possibility of "emotional" emergencies. Most people have never been chained or bound for lengthy periods and have no idea how they will react when it happens. Extreme emotional distress IS an emergency, and the slave should not be punished for succumbing to it. Another method of restriction should be found.
* Finally, restricting a slave's environment does not mean ignoring her. You MUST check on her and reassure her that her safety is your first concern.
Restrict the slave's time:
* Once training begins, the slave must understand that her time is no longer her own. She operates on your schedule and to your specifications.
o Initially, free time should be denied. The slave must focus fully on her training and not be allowed to let other activities distract her.
+ The slave's day (and night) should be filled with activities you assign. Be as detailed as you wish, but in general, she should attend to matters of housekeeping, personal care of her Master, "practicing" certain techniques of posture, grace & movement, journaling or anything else you find appropriate that falls under the category of slave service.
+ It is not unreasonable to disallow the slave television, phone or computer time during the first stages of training. As with all privileges, these should be offered for good behavior and made available in small doses to increase the slave's appreciation of reward.
+ When you have nothing else for her to "do," she should be placed in a position of attendance at your feet.
* The slave in training should be given a time to rise each morning and a time to go to bed at night. Neither of these times need coincide with yours, although ideally the slave should rise before her Master and be send to bed before her Master. She is, of course, subject to being awakened if her services are needed.
* The slave in training should be provided with adequate nutrition, but should be allowed to eat only at specified times.
* If you have adequate supervisory time, the slave-in-training should be given a "bathroom" schedule as well. Without causing physical pain or harm, regulate the number of times a day she is permitted to use the bathroom.
Restrict the slave's privacy:
* In most cases, the slave-in-training should be stripped of clothing. she should understand immediately that no part of her body can be covered without an order from her Master. The slave should be reprimanded if any attempt to cover herself is made.
* The slave should not be allowed to close any door behind her. (This is a practice that should be continued even after training). Because the slave is already naked, this will affect her most when she is in the bathroom.
o The slave must feel your presence even during the most intimate times. Therefore, you should be certain to appear sometimes when she is using the bathroom, showering, douching or brushing her teeth.
o Initially, do not make a casual appearance, but make sure the slave knows that you are watching and that you are acutely aware of every move she is making. Any attempt to change or slow her behavior until you leave the room should be met with discipline of some kind.
* "Inspect" the slave's body frequently, but not routinely. Call for an inspection when it is least expected.
o Whether it is necessary or not, occasionally inspect the slave after she showers. An inspection for cleanliness after she uses the bathroom is extremely humiliating, but a powerful reminder that she has given up all rights to the most private aspects of her life.
o Don't inspect the genital area exclusively. Give attention to the slave's skin, her teeth, her breath, her nails, her hair, etc. Remind her that ALL parts of her body are now yours and cannot be shielded by false modesty or natural defensiveness.
* Allow the slave to keep nothing secret.
o It is not acceptable to monitor the slave's phone calls by listening in on another extension. By doing so, you are infringing on another person's right to privacy. Monitoring someone else's calls without permission is illegal. It is better to simply disallow phone calls altogether for a time, or only allow calls to and from people who know they are being monitored.
o Never open the slave's mail. Allow her to open and examine her mail and then turn it over to you. If your slave refuses to do so, find out why. If the slave has issues she considers too personal for you to share, the next step is to reexamine whether or not she truly wants to be a slave. Do not continue with her training until this is clear.
o The slave should not spend time on the computer alone or have a password that is unavailable to you. Any chats or postings should be saved for your review.
o Do not allow the slave to be evasive in conversation with you. Encourage her to examine her thoughts and feelings and reveal them to you.
Restrict the slave's sexuality:
* The slave must no longer have the right to say "no" to any sexual demand or request made by you.
* The slave should not be allowed to touch herself in a sexual manner without an order from you.
* The slave should be denied orgasm except on your demand.
o The slave should be taught to ask permission for orgasm and even to beg for release. Orgasm without permission should be punished.
External restrictions on the slave-in-training reinforce the concern you have for her deep need and desire to be owned. You are providing her with what she has always wanted, and as long as you do it with love and caution for her safety, her loyalty to you will develop and progress easily.
Domination through Disclosure
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:33 am
Understanding the mind of your slave is the first step, and perhaps the most important step, toward controlling her. In the first stages of training, you must create an atmosphere of "revelation," in which your slave is not only allowed, but required to reveal herself to you. You must be a good listener and a gentle counselor, inviting and encouraging her to open up places in her mind she may never have before explored. It is through this kind of communication that you will be able to understand why your slave has the need to serve and how best to provide her with the tools she needs to fulfill herself in her role.
While your slave should feel that she has no choice in this matter, it will be up to you to probe and question and encourage her. Not only do you need to know how to listen, you need to be able to ask the right questions.
This is a procedure that can't happen in a night or two, but should be an integral part of every day of the slave's training. Perhaps an hour every evening will suffice; you will be able to determine that once you begin.
It is important that the slave believe that this kind of revelation is essential. Nothing is allowed to be hidden from you. Do not present the conversation as an "interchange." Unlike the slave, you are not required to lay your thoughts out before her or to give her any indication that you ever will. It is inadvisable to interject your own thoughts and feelings during these sessions. The point is for the slave to begin the process of disclosure, and do so with the realization that she is obliged to do no less.
Do not put the slave "on trial." You should express no judgments about her past, about her experiences, about her feelings or her fantasies unless your expressions are positive. Your goal is to open her up to you. Any negative reaction on your part will have the opposite effect. Do not allow shock, disbelief, humor or distaste to register on your face regardless of what you hear.
Begin the process by setting up a standard "disclosure" time:
* Eliminate distractions like music and television. Turn down the phone ringer.
* The slave should be facing you, relaxed, but in a presentation kneeling position. (Knees apart, palms up)
* Do not allow the slave to wear anything during these times. Clothing is a barrier, and you want to break down barriers. Her nudity is symbolic in this case.
* Essentially, the slave should be telling you her "life story," although you will help her remember more than just the incidents.
* Encourage the slave to speak freely; drop the use of your title for the time being if it helps the flow of her thoughts.
* Observe the slave's reactions as she relates thoughts to you. Does she seem particularly uncomfortable? Happy? Depressed? Find out why.
o Ask questions that force the slave to examine her feelings and explore her fears. Help her discover why those feelings exist.
o Keep her talking, but direct the focus of her conversation toward ideas, incidents and memories that might directly relate to her need or desire for slavery.
o Move her along. While she may be telling you a great deal about herself, you don't need unessential details.
* Retain and use the information.
o For example, you may find out the slave has always had fantasies about being punished. You find that there is no physical abuse in her past; instead, there was a need for attention from a parent or other authority figure. Perhaps misbehaving was the only way she could get attention as a child. Thus, punishment has become attractive and even sexually stimulating. However, you want punishment to be something she wants to avoid. Learning this information from her allows you to find a way to make punishment undesirable and to create an environment for the slave where good attention is more stimulating for her than bad.
o Shape her training around those things that will work best for her, given her beliefs and ideals.
What you will achieve through these sessions:
* an understanding of this particular slave; an understanding so thorough that you know her as well, or better, than she knows herself. This promotes her psychological dependency on you. That may not sound politically correct, but dependency is a major factor in a Master/slave relationship. In turn, her psychological dependency promotes trust in you and in your judgments. If you take the time to truly pay attention, that dependency will not be unwarranted.
* a slave who, through your encouragement, is able to accept her desire to be subjugated without shame. She will hear her own inner voice and be certain that it does not conflict with your desires, rather than depending upon the voice of society and the repression it creates.
* a slave who will allow herself to function at her best in the role of servant to you.
* a slave whose self-esteem is bolstered by your unconditional acceptance, and who, as a result, will be more inclined to discipline herself.
Another method of disclosure is the slave journal. Journaling about intimate thoughts and feelings is easier for some than speaking about them, although both should be required of the slave.
The slave should spend a period of time each day journaling (Â½ hour each day is sufficient) and should understand that like her revelatory conversations with you, no judgments will be placed upon her journals. Initially, the slave's journals should speak to immediate issues and the discussion of her psyche, but as time goes on, she she should feel free to discuss anything (as long as it in some way pertains to the relationship).
In this case, you MUST read the slave's journals. After she is trained, you may want to allow her the freedom to have her own private journal, but for now, you should have access to all her writings.
While you are spending time with the slave encouraging her revelations and self-discoveries, you should read each journal every day. See how it applies to your last discussion, or if there are issues that might be explored in your next session. You needn't comment specifically on the journal if you don't wish to, but take the time to read it. The slave is counting on you to help her through this process, and her journal is a tool by which you can do so with more efficiency.
Establishing the Rules
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:33 am
"Duty is not beneficial because it is commanded,
but commanded because it is beneficial."
Before establishing a set of rules, it is helpful to determine your goals for the relationship. Ideally, you and your slave should have a clear understanding of the goals before ever approaching a training program. Knowing what you want from your slave, and what you expect from her and from yourself gives you a far better handle on obtaining it. By having a set of goals, the rules you establish have purpose as well. They aren't just a random set of "turn-ons," although there's no reason sexual stimulation shouldn't be a part of any training program, at least to a degree. After setting your goals, provide the slave with a set of behavioral rules that allow her to work toward them. (If you choose to use a contract, remember not to include rules in it.)
The first "rule" of creating rules is to keep them simple. Start slowly and add rules as your slave becomes accustomed to them. Overwhelming the slave with a list of 100 rules is asking for trouble and frustration. Not only is it setting her up to fail, it insures that you will have to spend an exorbitant amount of time on enforcement. Remember - you have to know the rules inside out. You have to be as familiar, if not more familiar with them than the slave. If you are looking for a relationship that will last, you must always remember your duty to it, and the slave's duty as well. The Master is responsible for knowing both.
Across the web, there are lists of "rules" for submissives. Many are very general, but some are stupendously detailed. (I am of the opinion that such a detailed list should take months, even years, to build.) An example that comes to mind is a list that includes (paraphrased) "slave's breakfast each morning will be my cum," and "slave will be rewarded by being allowed to wear my cum on her body throughout the day." Aside from being slightly disturbing and a little gross, the two rules point out the very thing you wish to avoid - too much detail, which makes them too hard to enforce.
There are some things that happen within a relationship that should not be "rules" at all, but should be spontaneous actions on the Master's part. An occasional "breakfast" like the one described above may be workable, if it's your thing. But you'd better be able to "produce" if you create such a rule...and do it with strictest consistency. Moreover, the rule should contain a caveat regarding nutrition and how this slave will be getting it, which is your responsibility.
Lists of rules like the one above are what my slave and I refer to as "jack-off material." They are the stuff of fantasies, and serve their purpose in that area. A serious BDSM relationship, however, must take itself seriously and consider both the short and long-term consequences of every rule employed.
If you or your slave work best with schedules, etc., it would be helpful to her to post the rules in a place she will see them every day. Sometimes rules are posted in sleeping quarters or in the kitchen. In most cases, posting should be discreet. Posting the rules, like posting the task schedule, provides the slave with another structural component to her life and a visible reminder of her place.
slave yielding's list of rules, even after this amount of time, is relatively small, and consists of the following: (Reasons for rules are included.)
Master's word is law.
This was slave's only rule for a very long time. Until she was accustomed to the idea of obedience under all circumstances, there was no need to be less general.
slave writes (and turns in) a daily journal discussing her emotional responses and her growth as a slave. slave is NEVER punished for anything she writes in her journal and is encouraged to be honest about all things.
Journaling allows the Master to know what is going on in the slave's mind, especially in those times when it would be inappropriate for her to voice her opinions and feelings. See essay "What's the Point of Journaling?"
slave does not use her Master's given name, but addresses him by title. (Exceptions, of course, apply.)
This rule allows every conversation to remain within the realm of BDSM, and is especially important if you are trying to establish a 24/7 relationship.
slave needs permission to come to orgasm.
slave must become accustomed to Master's rule over every area of her life, and understand that even pleasurable experiences are for him to determine.
slave cannot refuse Master's sexual desires.
The sexual component of the BDSM lifestyle is a large one. It would make absolutely no sense to own a slave, and then cater to her sexual needs and demands before your own.
slave is limited to 1000 calories/day and must turn in a food journal and track her liquid intake.
slave learns that nothing escapes her Master's authority, including his desire for her to maintain good health and look attractive to him. slave learns to conform to Master's standards, not society's.
slave may not get out of bed without permission (from floor or from Master's bed.)
slave should take advantage of the opportunity for rest and at the same time should remember who gives her that opportunity. slave may be ordered to stay in bed if Master feels she needs more rest, or doesn't wish to be disturbed by 'house noise.'
slave must shave pubic hair, legs and underarms on a regular basis.
This is for the Master's pleasure. My preference is a smooth, clean-shaven slave. Stubble indicates the slave is not being conscious of her body rituals.
slave accepts any and all punishments Master deems necessary.
slave must be willing to accept responsibility for those actions that displease me. slave must understand there are consequences for bad behavior, and further, must have a desire to be taught how to behave correctly.
slave is not allowed a "safe word." (PLEASE do not incorporate this rule unless both parties agree and the relationship is entirely solid. There is no excuse for being irresponsible with safety issues. slave yielding and I have a bond of trust that has been built over a good deal of time.)
In THIS case, slave trusts her Master with her life. slave has no doubt that her Master will not cause her permanent harm, physically or emotionally. slave yielding believes that her Master is capable of determining limits for her.
Household chores are slave's responsibility.
Not just Master's pleasure (although undoubtedly it's nice) but part of the "Power Exchange." Master provides safety, security, fulfillment of needs. slave provides services that free up His time so more can be spent with/on her.
slave's sexual contact is limited to her Master unless He deems it appropriate to 'lend' her.
slave learns to feel that she indeed "belongs" to her Master. slave learns to focus all sexual attention on him alone.
slave understands that her Master is not bound by any sexual mores or monogamous forms of behavior.
Amplifies the differences between Master and slave. Master should never be bound by the rules he issues to his subjects.
slave lights cigarettes, refills drinks, and fetches as is necessary.
slave learns to understand that Master's needs override her own, wherever she is and in whatever activity she is engaged.
slave does not raise her voice to her Master.
slave learns self-control and learns how to approach a superior with respect. A screeching slave is an embarrassment and is likely to be punished or ignored.
slave does not call her Master pet names or goofy names (even in fun.)
slave learns that she must not become too "familiar" with her Master. Familiarity encourages disobedience.
slave does not lower toilet seat in Master's home, but uses rim.
slave feels Master's presence even when she is alone and engaged in the most personal of activities.
slave is naked in Master's presence whenever possible.
It is difficult to take on an "attitude" when in a vulnerable state. Slave remembers her body is always available to Master, sexually and non-sexually. Helps slave erase pride and vanity.
slave announces desire to get up for the day by taking Master's cock in her mouth.
Aside from being a nice way to be awakened, yielding begins each day in the proper mindframe.
As you can see, this limited set of rules each has purpose. As we go along, I add rules. Sometimes the only "purpose" of the newer rules will be my pleasure, but a functional set of "starter rules" is the best way to teach the slave what is expected of her.
Rather than include a list of "sample rules," I have categorized areas where rules might apply. If you take each area as a whole, break it down and apply your relationship goals to it, a set of rules can be created from that perspective. You can, in fact, create a most detailed rule list, but mete out those rules slowly and over time.
In The Beginning...
Sample Task Schedule
Public Behavior Training
Punishment and Reward
Maintenance & Ritual
Sample Review Form
Wonders of Worship
A Dose of Reality
Practical Guide for the 24/7 slave
Essays & Info
Toy Bag Contents
Easy & Effective Tortures
Ideas for Punishment
Ideas for Humiliation
The Point of Journaling
The Silent slave
On Being Punished
subspace vs. slavespace
"Curiosity" - by yielding
Links & Resources
Areas in which rules may be useful (and questions to think about when deciding):
1. Sleeping/Waking Rules:
* Does your slave sleep in your bed? If so, under what circumstances? Does she have a specific "bedtime?" Does she need to ask permission to go to bed for the night? What do you want her to do at bedtime (i.e. turn back covers, kneel at bedside, etc.)? Is slave constrained to bed/pallet? Does slave need permission to rest/nap?
* Do you want to wake slave up, or should she wake you up? How? What should she do upon rising each morning? Will you need immediate service (i.e. coffee, breakfast, sex?)
2. Bathing/Showering Rules:
* How often should your slave bathe/shower, and when? Do you prefer that she always take a bath or always shower? What are your requirements for removal of body hair? What do you require her to do in the shower/bath (i.e. douche, enema, shave, etc.) Do you want to take responsibility for monitoring her toilet habits? Is slave allowed to close bathroom door? Are body inspections random or does slave need to report for one after every bath?
* Is slave in attendance for your bath? To be on hand or to bathe you? Should slave be dismissed after running bath/seeing that you have what you need? Is having the slave there an invasion of a Master's privacy? How personal should slave's care be? Hairwashing? Cleansing? Manicures and pedicures?
3. Dressing Rules:
* What is slave expected to wear? At home? At work? In public? Is slave expected to be made-up, wear collar or other jewelry? Does slave need permission to put on clothes? Does slave need Master's approval for clothes she wears? Are there requirements such as no underwear, skirt length, wearing jeans or pants, etc.?
* How much responsibility does slave have for your dress? Cleaning, ironing, folding & storage, mending, etc.? Is slave responsible for dressing you? Undressing you? Polishing boots/shoes?
4. Eating Rules:
* Does slave do cooking? Do you require a particular table setting? What are the clean-up rules? Do you expect your meals at certain times?
* Is slave required to eat the same things you eat? Is slave allowed at table? With you or when you are finished? Do you require slave's attendance at meals? Does slave eat from dish? Always or under what circumstances? Does slave begin eating before you or must she wait until you've started? Do you have dietary restrictions for your slave? What are they?
5. House Rules:
* Is slave allowed on furniture? If so, when? Is slave allowed in every area of the house? Does slave answer phone/door? Is slave allowed visitors? Under what circumstances? How is slave to behave in the presence of guests?
* Is slave allowed access to television, stereo, computer or books? Do viewing/listening/reading choices need Master's approval?
* What is slave's worldview? Is she expected to keep up on current events, or do you brief her on those things she should know?
* Is slave expected to be certain places at certain times? Should she have a "default" position for those times? Do you require her to acknowledge your presence in a room (i.e. kneeling, verbal greeting)? Is there a room slave is allowed to enter without knocking?
* Does slave have her own quarters/space? If so, when can it be used and for what purpose?
* Is slave allowed to decorate/rearrange furniture, closet spaces, drawers?
6. Misc. Rules:
* Is slave allowed to masturbate/come without permission? Is slave expected to behave in a particular manner for her Master's sexual enjoyment?
* What health/exercise regimens should slave incorporate?
* Are there any restrictions on slave's speech? When? Under what circumstances?
* Is slave allowed to handle money? Will she turn over paycheck? Will slave have a household allowance or budget?
* How will slave address and interact with other Dominants? Is slave restricted in any way? How will slave interact with other slaves? Other slaves owned by you?
* What household/grounds duties will slave be responsible for? Is your slave required to work outside the home? If not, what are the restrictions on "free time"?
* Does slave have a safeword? What the the restrictions on using it?
* Can slave smoke cigarettes? Drink coffee? Drink alcohol? Will there be daily/weekly limits to any of these things?
* Will slave be allowed friends separate from yours? What are your rules regarding family contact?
Slave Training: Body: Service Training
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:35 am
"Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart
the absolute principal of self-sacrifice."
- W. T. Wilson
The most important thing you can do as a Master is to be specific in your expectations of the slave, and consistent in their enforcement. You can be spontaneous, but don't be "off and on." If you command your slave to bring you coffee each morning and she doesn't do it one day, don't let it go simply because you aren't in the mood to apply discipline. If you are not consistent, your slave cannot trust you.
You are the only judge of the areas of service in which you want your slave to be adept. This requires that you be specific in your instructions and consistent in their enforcement. Your slave must understand what is expected of her before you can express disappointment or chastise her. It is NOT OK to beat a slave and tell her why later, and more, slaves don't like being mistreated - they don't expect or enjoy it. Your slave is not a mind reader, and no one likes being treated with utter disregard.
Teach her the things you want from her, and if she doesn't know how to do something, patiently explain or show her. (i.e. you can't expect her to change the air filter if she's never lifted the hood of a car.)
Often, slaves tend to eroticize everything. This shouldn't be discouraged in the initial stages of training, however, your slave will eventually need to understand that if a task cannot be eroticized, it must be accomplished anyway. She may have to be shown that her duties are not all erotic or sexually stimulating. (This was, and still is, one of the hardest things slave yielding has had to learn. It continues to be problematic for her to focus on service when she doesn't feel "aroused" by it.)
Your slave should be taught to be attentive to your needs, to anticipate where she can, and to act when she sees that you require something. Don't expect her to be a mind reader, however. Instead, help her become aware of your habits and desires, first with gentle reminders, and then with firm discipline. Simple instructions should only have to be given once. If you don't overload your slave with too much information, you can expect that she won't make it necessary for you to repeat yourself.
Be sure to tell your slave that it's all right to ask questions if she doesn't understand. Don't berate her for her questions, or make her feel incompetent in any way. She should feel comfortable enough to tell you that she doesn't understand, and at the same time, it should be made clear to her that she should not have to ask the same question again and again.
In general, and depending upon what you want from your slave, some micro management may be necessary in the beginning stages of training. You will want to check her work and point out areas in which she can improve. Most likely, she will want this, too. Your slave will base her future behavior on the input she is given.
Dress for service:
I find that my slave performs at her best when she is naked, and for that reason, she is most often naked while with me. A slave's dress is her Master's option, and she should abide by His wishes. Occasionally a slave needs an added reminder of her place, and for those times, keep a ball gag and an anal plug handy. At other times, have her wear nothing but heels, or rouge her lips, pubis and nipples.
If you place your slave in charge of housekeeping, spend and hour or two with her creating a "list" of the chores you expect to be done daily, weekly or monthly. Go from room to room and point out areas of special concern to you. Have your slave record your instructions and give her the opportunity to ask questions. Don't forget details. If you can't stand your socks rolled up in balls, you need to make that clear to her.
Your slave should then create her own schedule from the list. It is best for her to do this in order to get her used to the idea that just because you are her Master, you will not guide her every footfall. Your slave also needs to learn how to take responsibility and relieve you of minor tasks (such as list writing.) For the most part, slaves appreciate structure and schedules. This way, she gets those needs met without becoming burdensome to you.
Once she is done, you will want to review the schedule, making sure it doesn't conflict with other schedules (like work outside the home) and making certain she has not over-burdened herself in her desire to serve well. If you need to, help her arrange the schedule in such a way that she is able to be in attendance to you during your free time as much as possible.
You will have to spend the time to check her work each day for awhile (depending upon your slave and how well she does). Do not allow her to cut corners, and if you find a job poorly done, the slave should repeat the task under your supervision.
When your slave has become familiar with your requirements, you will no longer need to be so meticulous in checking her work, but you should occasionally perform a random household check. Have your slave bring her notepad and take down any irregularities (which she should attend to immediately after the inspection, if at all possible). The slave should be made aware that at any time during the training period, she will be punished for poor performance. Never punish her for something she was not aware of, however.
Make certain you tell your slave what she should have stocked in the house at all times (special water, medicine shelf items, etc.) Expect these items to be in your home thereafter.
Household economics are best left to the discretion of the Master. In my case, when my slave moves in with me, we will not "share" expenses, but I will be in control of all financial aspects of the relationship, including keeping any money she may make in an outside job.
This is a tricky area, though. A Master should never create a situation in which, if left alone, the slave is penniless, whether through death or dismissal. Careful financial planning is an absolute necessity in this kind of relationship. The slave should be aware of what she will be "left with" should she find herself alone - before she agrees to any arrangement in which she has no financial control. Insurance policies should be maintained. While a slave may be perfectly capable of functioning on her own, after several years under your control, you must assume there will be a tendency in her to need the advice of an authority figure. A good Master will plan ahead for any eventuality - including the one His slave fears most - release. There is no excuse for leaving any human being emotionally and financially broken.
In most cases, the slave will need a household budget for expenses such as groceries and laundry supplies. Be reasonable, but insist that she stay within her guidelines. She should save all receipts, whether or not you will wish to review them. Non-essential items should be requested, and are subject to your approval. Allow the slave to state her reason for wanting or needing items you consider non-essential before automatically making a ruling on them. However, if the slave purchases without first asking permission, she should be punished. A good way to do this is to deny her a personal allowance (if she is given one) for a time. It may be appropriate to pre-determine how much your slave can spend freely; for example, anything over $20 must be cleared through you first.
A personal allowance also gives you the option, should your slave wish to purchase something you feel she doesn't particularly need, to encourage her to save her own money if it's that important to her. If you find that she does save for the purchase, consider allowing it from the general fund the next time.
Your slave may work outside the home to supplement your income, but whether she keeps her job should be for you to decide. If she does work a full day, take that into consideration in her work at home. Hiring a housekeeper does not make her any less a slave, and frees more of her time for you.
If your slave has abilities that can be put to use, you should do so. If you own a business or work from your home, consider that you now have access to an assistant or a personal secretary.
Your slave should spend as much time in attendance to you as she can (or as much as you can tolerate!) During her times in attendance, she should assume a "default" position of "kneeling down." She should limit her conversation unless you engage her, and even then, she should answer without shifting position.
Establish hand signals or voice commands that alert her to basic needs such as drinks. A Master's glass should never be empty unless he has stated he wants nothing more. Allow your slave to move from position without prior permission if her movements are service-oriented.
If she needs to leave the room, get her in the habit of asking your permission before doing so. If she doesn't ask, call her back and insist, or deny her the privilege next time.
While she has basic needs as all of us do, a slave should approach you in service having already taken care of her own needs as much as possible. She may bring a water glass for herself to keep in the room. She should use the bathroom before she begins attendance, and she should come to you clean, made-up (if that's how you prefer her) and ready to stay focused on her duties.
At the end of her service time, if one has been established, the slave should ask her Master if he requires anything more of her before she leaves, and then should ask permission to be dismissed.
Free Time and Personal Growth:
Most Masters do not want their slaves to be robots, and most slaves do not want to lose their personalities to slavery. Make certain your slave is given free time and allowed opportunities for self-improvement (classes, etc.) Remind your slave that free time is a privilege and is one of the first things to be denied her should she fail you.
In all things, set forth a code of conduct and expect it to be followed. But do not be fooled. Your effort is required in all areas of her training. Simply laying down a law denies your slave of your attention and forces her to "fly solo." Even though you are "Master," she needs your care and attention. They reinforce her initial decision to serve and should not be denied her.
Sample Task Schedule
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:37 am
Body: Sample Task Schedule
No doubt about it - this is micro management. slaves tend to love it, Masters usually despise it. At its most efficient, this form shouldn't be necessary once your slave has adjusted to your expectations. Try using it for the first 2-3 months of training. Then either cut it out altogether, or revise it so that it is more general and less time-consuming.
The best way to create a form such as this one is to incorporate it with the "walk-through" you do with the slave (see "Housekeeping" under "Service Training,") and then require her to draft her own schedule.
Instruct her to create an overall form listing the standards you expect her to follow, and then to create a more detailed "daily" form which she can follow through the initial stages of training.
NEVER suggest to her that you will be checking every item on the list or that you will be monitoring her daily, unless you can follow through with that (or unless, for some reason, you really want to.) Perhaps you can set aside time for a weekly or monthly inspection of your household, to conduct bodily inspections, etc., but the best reviews will happen at random, and without warning.
If you choose to check her work, not every item in her duty form needs to be checked at once. Choose a particular area of focus so you aren't spending all your free time monitoring the slave's performance.
Do not give the slave more to do than her time allows. Never set your slave up to fail you. It's certainly acceptable to expect her to perform all the household duties, even if she works full-time, but it's ridiculous to be picky about chores the way you might be if she were home all day.
Give the slave enough time to complete each task properly. She can't re-tile the bathroom floor in 30 minutes. However, if she is being punished with extra work, whatever it may be, she should feel pressured to accomplish her tasks in the allotted time.
Allow for flexibility and for limited freedom. A slave who is given "breaks" and/or "free time" is more apt to perform her duties without complaint and is less likely to be resentful
of your orders.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:39 am
Position training is used to keep your slave available but not intrusive, to help her regain slave space, to punish her, to ease your access to her and to teach her to be focused on only one thing. Just as important, position training helps a slave learn patience. A slave is not always being used, and as property, may be "put away" at times. The slave learns, through the quiet, contemplative times, to behave as property - used when needed or desired, in a state of patient waiting when desire or need ebbs. slaves should be taught a set of positions that can be assumed with a word or hand gesture.
From my military experience I know that standing at attention for prolonged periods of time brings with it an inner calm, a meditative state, usually followed by a period of discomfort. To deny the body movement frees the mind to wander. A slave will often report a similar state to sub space. I find this a particularly good punishment and a good use of disciplinary maintenance. slave yielding still needs a lot of practice. She fidgets and groans. Each breach of the attention position is met with swift hard strikes from a crop or paddle. She calms down in 10 minutes or so and thereafter is a model little soldier. I no longer have to stand by and am free to do what I want, while feeling great satisfaction in her suffering. Her suffering really begins to set in after about 45 minutes. At some point I make sure to stand very close to her, my face close to hers, invading her breathing air, and after some time in silence I whisper things like "Remember why you are here?"
When a slave is ordered to assume a position, it should be done quickly, smoothly, gracefully and without question. While she is in position, she should be silent, making every effort to be invisible. While holding a position is not the time to ask to use the bathroom or do anything else.
A Note About body language:
Your slave should exhibit good posture at all times. This is one of those things that is simply "good for her" in any case. If a slave slumps, hunches the back, rocks back and forth, fidgets or displays jittery behavior, she is not focused and needs to be reminded. Don't neglect this - it will eventually become habit to the slave and you won't feel so pressed to be constantly alert. Although it seems old-fashioned, standing and walking with a book balanced on the head will increase your slave's awareness of posture and form. Teach the slave not only to walk, but to practice assuming the "attention" or one of the kneeling positions while keeping the book in place.
While in your presence your slave should never close the fists, the legs or the lips, in private or in the vanilla world. Teach your slave to keep her lips from touching (the mouth doesn't have to be gaping open, of course), to think about the position of her hands (in public, she may not be able to place them palms-up, but they can be relaxed and loose) and, if she has to cross her legs, to do it at the ankles rather than the knees. (This is manageable, even in a skirt. Allow your slave to practice in front of you until she can do this without drawing attention to herself.)
Train your slave to move gracefully and effortlessly into the positions you've assigned, whatever they may be. The slave will need to practice moving from one position to another while you point out how to become more adept. (Remind the slave that she is not clumsy or awkward - that all of us move without thinking, and you are simply alerting her to your choices. The slave should not be made to feel that she is unattractive, but must be made aware of how she presents herself to you.)
You and your slave should learn the positions you incorporate by name so that training can include simply calling out a position for the slave to take. At times during the initial training period, let the slave write or recite the names of the positions and what they entail. Have your slave practice them in front of you, and repeat them several times in a row - especially when done correctly - to solidify them as second nature.
The following are examples of positions my slave takes. Some of them are automatic (for instance, she is to kneel down when in attendance), and some are taken on command for various reasons (inspections, etc.)
Some of the names of the following positions are my own and are what work best with my slave. They are not "standardized" in the BDSM world, and you can obviously call them anything you wish. Remember that your slave is not the only one who must recall them, so keep them as simple as possible.
Attention: slave stands, feet and ankles together, almost touching. Arms are at the sides, fingers curled slightly under and held at the thighs. slave maintains a formal posture, with the back straight. Eyes are open and the focus is on the horizon. slave is not allowed to move or shift her gaze. (If you use this position, be certain your slave does not lock the knees, for safety reasons.) Used before punishment, for lectures, to enhance slave's headspace, or to place slave out of the way for a time.
Parade rest: slave spreads feet apart (moving the left foot only to do so) to the width of the shoulders - arms behind the back, holding one wrist with the other hand. This position is not taken without first having been at attention. Used to give slave a "rest" from lengthy periods at attention.
Kneel up: This position is the same as standing "Attention," only the slave does it on the knees. As with "Attention," the position is a good one for lectures and/or before delivery of punishment. Also used to formally greet the Master or to acknowledge His presence when He enters the room.
Kneel down: slave kneels with knees far apart, resting back on the heels. The back is straight and the hands rest on the thighs, palms up. Chin does not drop, (although as you can see here, slave yielding performed poorly for this pic), but the eyes are lowered slightly. (You should be able to see that the slave's eyes are open, and the slave should be able to see any gestures you make.) This is a relatively comfortable position that can be held for very lengthy periods of time. While in attendance to the Master, this is a good "default" position for the slave to assume if she is not otherwise in use.
Kneel "open": slave kneels down, tilts the head back, closes the eyes and opens the mouth. In this position the slave should feel and be viewed as a receptacle. The mouth should be open as wide as possible - the idea is not for the slave to be "pretty," but to be aware of her role. If the slave complains of mouth or jaw pain, it may be that the mouth is not being relaxed and opened to its fullest.
Cow position: slave stands, spreads the feet wide apart, bends at the waist and places the hands far in front of her on the floor. Allow your slave to come to this position from the floor if it is physically necessary. The slave should be able to move in this position, "walking" on all fours and keeping the legs spread apart. (The position does not "look" like a cow, but is given for use with my slave.) Cow position, and the occasional "moo" the slave is told to make is a good lesson in humility for a slave who is exhibiting too much pride.
Graze:From "cow" position, slave is allowed to drop to her knees, still keeping her legs open wide. In this way, she can lower her head to a food dish on the floor (her "trough" in our case) by bending her elbows. Used as punishment, eating from the floor or from a bowl on the floor is a good lesson for a picky slave. In general use, the slave's meals should be taken after the Master's and consist of what is left of His meal. The slave should be expected to eat whatever is placed before her.
Punishment Position: slave spreads legs wide apart, bends at waist & grasps ankles. (Modified, slave may use the side of the bed, a chair or a table for balance.) Expect the slave to resume the position should she move out of it, and do so without being told. The punishment position should not be used for anything else (sex, etc.). The slave should understand that if told to assume this position, only punishment will follow.
Sexual Presentation Position
I have allowed my slave a set of positions used to indicate the desire for sexual activity. The slave is allowed to assume them at any time, although the desired result is not promised simply as a result of the position. These positions provide the slave a method of communicating her need without being presumptuous, and are especially effective during Voice Training and prolonged periods of silence. Once a voluntary position is assumed, the slave must hold it until released by her Master.
Present:The slave kneels, facing away from her Master, bends forward and lowers the face to the floor or bed. The back should be arched and the shoulders pressed to the surface. (Again, my slave did not manage to give a proper example of this position.) The buttocks should be lifted toward the ceiling, the legs spread much farther than seen here, and the pussy and asshole exposed as "in wait" for use. (The slave, of course, is not at liberty to determine which is used.) The slave can also reach behind and use the hands to further open that area. Regardless of my decision to accommodate her, the slave is sometimes left in this position for a lengthy period. This creates a sense of vulnerability and embarrassment at being so bold.
Supine Present: Also to expose the sexual orifices, the slave lies on the back, hands at the ankles, and draws the legs up as far as possible. Eyes should be on the ceiling.
Oral Present: slave goes to hands and knees, knees apart, lifts torso, arches back, tilts chin up and opens her mouth wide, indicating desire to perform oral sex. (This is not a bad one for slaves who wish to get back in their Masters' good graces.)
Inspection Positions: From time to time, my slave is inspected to remind her to pay careful attention to issues of hygiene, or simply for my own amusement. When I call "inspection," she is to assume the following positions, in order, moving to the next when I indicate to her I've finished with that portion of the inspection.
slave stands at attention until cue from me.
slave then moves the left foot to open the legs wide apart, laces fingers behind the head and drops the mouth open. (Legs, underarms and pubic region is felt for smoothness, mouth is available to check condition of teeth and breath)
slave then removes hands from the back of the head and offers them for inspection. (my slave does not have to maintain long fingernails - it would interfere with chores - but I expect her hands to be soft and her nails even and well-kept.)
slave turns to face away from me and resumes a position of attention, lifts one foot at a time to inspect feet and toenails.
At my cue, slave spreads the legs, bends at the waist, reaches behind and holds open her buttocks and pussy. Inspection of these areas ranges from sight, feel, taste, and smell to internal cleanliness. (use surgical gloves for internal inspections - your slave should remove them from your hands afterward and dispose of them. If they are not available and you choose to inspect her internally, after the inspection is over, the slave should bring water, soap, washcloth and towel and clean your hands.
During the inspection, the slave is to keep track of any areas found unacceptable, and when dismissed, is to take care of them immediately. The slave is not to return to my presence until she is presentable. Upon returning, the slave resumes the position of attention and remains there until I acknowledge her and the entire inspection procedure is repeated. Once she passes inspection, the slave also endures a punishment, lest she think that the punishment was simply to "fix" problems that shouldn't have existed in the first place.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:40 am
Body: Sexuality Training
The sexual relationship between a Master and a slave differs from most other sexual relationships. In a healthy, fulfilling Master & slave relationship, both parties achieve their greatest sexual pleasure through the Master's arousal and release.
Their interaction can be intimate and caring, but it is not based on equality or reciprocity of action. Establish this with your slave from the beginning. Make certain she understands that her sexual release is no longer a "right," but a privilege, and it comes to her not for her benefit, but for your pleasure. This is not a foreign notion to the slave, and in most cases, giving you pleasure is the slave's greatest desire.
Nevertheless, it is wise to keep this tenet as the basis for each and all encounters with the slave. Do not expect her to turn away from the idea of her own need for physical release, but take control of that need, and do not allow yourself to be manipulated into "giving in." Give her release as generously as her behavior merits. Don't let her become so frustrated that it jeopardizes your relationship or her submission.
In the negotiation stage of your relationship with the slave, clarify when and under what circumstances she will be able to refuse serving sexually. (i.e. illness, etc.) Determine, as well, the method by which she will convey this to you. If she is able, a slave should ask permission to be released from this duty (or any other, for that matter) and never simply state she will not comply. The slave should understand that she may be asked to perform sexual acts that are new to her or possibly uncomfortable for her, but she should be reassured that your intent is not to harm her physically or emotionally.
Although "sex on demand" seems quite natural in a Master/slave relationship, it raises issues that should concern you. Do not confuse the words "control" and "force." Violation is the stuff of fantasies and is never a Master's right. Even if your slave has agreed beforehand that she is not allowed to refuse you, forcing yourself on her is rape, and rape is always a crime. BDSM is a consensual practice. Committing rape does not make you a Master - it makes you a felon, and a slave who is the victim of rape should remove herself from the relationship and take any appropriate legal action with which she is comfortable.
yielding's note: it has been this slave's experience in the BDSM community to find many, many instances of submissives/slaves who have been sexually abused as children or adults. If you've been abused, make sure each of your partners is aware before you begin. While many survivors of abuse have dealt with their emotional pain and enter BDSM legitimately, many enter with multiple unresolved issues. For those, BDSM can become a bad experience and can exacerbate their emotional troubles. It is unwise and unfair to use BDSM as therapy, or as a "stop-gap" method of dealing with emotional trauma. Your Master is not your therapist, and the BDSM community is not "Group."
In all likelihood, your slave will come to you already having had various sexual encounters, and already having a relatively "standard" method of approach to them. For that reason, you will need to attune her to your specific desires, those things you find most pleasurable, and those you find unpleasant. You and she should think of this relationship as her first - and assume she will need as much training in this area as in any other. Fortunately, sexuality training is quite pleasant for the Master, and there is little reserve about scheduling "practice" sessions. Unfortunately, when sexually aroused, a Master is less likely to be thinking of the details about how his slave is performing and more inclined to be swept away with the moment.
Every now and then, try to distance yourself from what is happening to you in order to complete your slave's training. You may or may not lose your erection, but that is somewhat unimportant at the time of training. Teach your slave exactly how you want her to use her body, her hands and her mouth. Teach her how to position herself for ease of access. You may also want to teach her how to respond. Some slaves' natural responses need to be quelled, others need to work on letting themselves go, and all need to know what level of response is the most pleasurable to you - although a slave should never 'fake' a response. Find out how your slave reacts, and enhance her reactions to suit your needs.
* Purchase a dildo that approximates the size and shape of your own penis, so the slave can practice her oral techniques. (By watching her do this, you can step back from the situation, issue directives and give encouragement.)
* Use a dildo for penetration as well. Position it where you would be if it were attached to you so the slave can learn the most effective positions and how to assume them quickly, so as not to disturb the moment.
* Teach the slave how to remained focused on you rather than become lost in her own arousal. Stimulate her if you notice her performance is becoming more technical than passionate, and cease the stimulation if her passion makes her forget her technique.
* Assign "homework" for the slave. There are many books and web sites that reference sexual techniques. The slave should make use of them for your benefit. Instruct her to do research in a particular area and then have her demonstrate what she has learned.
* "Criticism" is self-defeating. Unless you own a slave who is turned on by that sort of dialog, it is far more productive to "critique" a slave's performance than to criticize it. But don't be afraid to critique. It is just as self-defeating to allow the slave to continue doing something you don't like in order to spare her feelings as it is to berate her for doing it.
Orgasm with permission:
It is fairly standard within the BDSM community to expect a slave to ask permission to come to orgasm. This reminds the slave that even at her moments of greatest pleasure, her sexuality belongs to her Master and is not for her to determine.
# Your slave should ask in full sentences and in a voice loud enough to be heard. The act of forming a sentence and posing the question reinforces that her pleasure is subject to her Master's whims. (I have encountered women who 'lose the ability' to speak in sexual situations. A focused slave is usually able to overcome that inability when she finds she wants an orgasm badly enough - however, if the slave honestly cannot form words, devise a signal that alerts you to her desire. The signal should approximate the energy a full sentence would take. Lifting a finger does not constitute asking a question.)
# Don't overdo it. There are times when you want to exhaust your slave with orgasm, but the slave should also be refused occasionally. A sexually stimulated slave, in my experience, is a more attentive and more submissive creature. Teach your slave that arousal does not equal release.
# In the early stages of training, your slave may make mistakes. Devise a method for punishing your slave if she comes without permission. Corporal punishment is not a good choice here. Spanking your slave during times of arousal trains her to associate pain and pleasure - something you may want to teach her, but not in this situation. Spend 24 hours stimulating the slave to the point of orgasm without allowing her release. Verbally express your disappointment in her. Find a punishment that works for both of you, and enforce the rule each time.
Orgasm on Demand:
Many slaves can be trained to come to orgasm on demand - with a word or gesture. The training method is quite simple, but it often takes several months of practice for the slave to achieve your goal. (Not all slaves are capable of this - it is easier with those who have multiple orgasms. This kind of training is more 'just for fun' than a necessary component of a slave's service.)
* Begin by first training the slave to ask permission to come during sexual situations. When you have fully mastered her training in that area, begin to stimulate her in situations that aren't sexual (i.e. driving in the car, etc.). Manipulate her with your hand until she asks to come, and initially, allow her to do so each time.
* After a time, wait several seconds to a minute before giving her permission to come. continue the stimulation during this time, and then give your permission.
* When you feel she has accomplished this wait, deny her permission to come the minute she asks, and take your hand away. Intersperse this with giving her permission, or denying her and continuing the stimulation.
* Next, issue an order to come immediately after pulling your hand away. At that point, she is coming without direct contact. Lengthen the space of time between release of contact and the slave's sexual release as long as she is keeping up.
* Eventually you will be able to issue the order long after the stimulation has ceased. At that point, you may try commanding her to come before she is stimulated. (If it does not work, repeat the last step and try again.) A slave trained to come on command is able to achieve orgasm anytime and anywhere, and can even be walking down the street and not lose pace during the orgasm.
Initiation of sex:
In most cases, it is inappropriate for a slave to initiate sex by traditional methods. It gives her the sense that she is on an equal footing with you in this area. However, because a slave has physical desires like anyone else, it is a good idea to talk with her about how she should approach you with them. My slave has been given three positions she can assume without my command to indicate she has a desire for sex.
All three positions display her in such a way that she is issuing an invitation, which may or may not be acted upon. Two of the positions display her genitals, forcing her to open and offer them. The third is a display of her open mouth, which indicates her desire to serve me orally.
Insist that the slave use these positions (or any others than you might devise) or "ask" for sex in a non-traditional manner. The slave needn't be "comfortable" with the gestures; it may be difficult for her to expose herself in this manner. That's OK. Do not, however, create a manner for this request and then allow her to ignore it.
Multiple Partners/Poly Relationships:
Whatever your desire in regard to multiple partners within your Master/slave relationship, you must establish them with the slave before she even begins training with you. If there is any possibility that you will be with more than one partner (or that you will ask her to be with more than one partner), she must be made aware of this up front. Even if she agrees, do not expect poly relationships to be "easy." Your slave will need reassurance during your encounters with others. You must be willing to find a way to assure her of your continued commitment, and at the same time, remain firm in your commitment to this aspect of the relationship.
slave yielding and I have both agreed and remain firmly committed to my choice to pursue poly relationships. My slave is determined to overcome any issues she has with this, but it is often a struggle, simply because she needs added reassurance of my commitment to her during these times. slave yielding's sexual duties extend to me alone, and she does not have permission to engage in any sexual scenes without my order to do so. She is expected to obey that order.
As Master, my limits are my own, and do not, at this time, include monogamy. My personal choice has always been to inform yielding of upcoming sexual encounters and to include her in them, but she knows that is not something she should expect or consider her "right."
Offer your slave emotional support where you can. Make an extra effort if it is needed. You are responsible for her emotional well-being. At the same time, encourage her to understand her role. Allow her to help in your preparations by making reservations, attending you in your bath, preparing the house or preparing food for the evening. If possible, have your slave attend your guest in the same manner, preparing her for you. This may be difficult for the slave, but you will have ample time during preparations to reassure her and let her know how much her help means to you.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:42 am
Body: Anal Training
It needs to be said right up front that this is not for everyone. Some find anal play distasteful; some consider it to be on the edge of kink. It is not a "necessary" component of your slave's training, any more than any of the other sections of this guide. Ultimately it is only you who can decide what is right for you and your slave and determine the course of her training.
Secondly, (and it should go without saying), do it RIGHT. Be SAFE. (As with any other area of BDSM, a submissive or slave who feels she is being treated without sufficient precaution to her safety should immediately stop and remove herself from the situation.)
* Don't use objects in anal training that weren't designed for the purpose of anal play. Using household items, food products, small animals, etc. is dangerous. (Facetiousness aside, good adult toy stores have enormous selections of products for anal play.)
* Take it slow. (Reminiscent of John Cleese's admonition in The Meaning of Life, "Must you stampede for the clitoris? Haven't you ever heard of foreplay?"
* Exhibit patience. This is an emotionally-charged exercise for many people.
slaves who are unfamiliar with anal play should be treated with emotional caution and some compassion. As time goes on, and the slave becomes aware that this will be a component of her life, less caution is required, and her familiarity should rid you of the need to be overly charitable regarding feelings of vulnerability and shame.
When slave yielding came to me, she had experienced anal play many times in the past, but had not (and still has not) overcome the feelings of vulnerability, shame and mortification associated with the training procedure. I find this to be a very powerful tool in her case. Anal play can be used as punishment, for humiliation purposes, or simply as a method by which I remind her of my control over her. For the slave who has overcome the societally based issues of guilt and shame, the emotional effects will be less apparent.
In the case of anal training, some emotional effects are desirable. It is quite often exhilarating to watch your slave as she begs for this kind of use, all the while feeling ashamed of herself for doing so. Anal training should not be so frequent that the slave becomes entirely comfortable with this part of her duties. It is a fine balance, and you must judge your slave's background and mental health to a degree before exploring this area of training. In the course of your relationship, it likely that the subject has been broached at one time or another, and you probably are fairly familiar with the slave. If you aren't, you should be before you begin.
Beginning the slave's training:
First, increase the slave's exposure. She should learn that this area of her body is not off-limits to you at any time. This can be accomplished any number of ways, not the least of which is simply touching and looking. Any method you choose should include somehow making the slave focus on what she is doing (displaying the most private area of her body) and why she is doing it (because she must make everything available to her Master at his whim.) Instruct the slave to focus on both these things simultaneously. Here are some suggestions for the beginner slave:
* Have your slave assume the "present" position, knees closed, on a raised piece of furniture or a bed. (This displays her better than the "knees open" position.) Position yourself so she knows you are behind her and knows that you are looking at her.
o Keep the slave in this position for a time. If she seems too comfortable with you talking to her, remain silent. Vice versa if she is more comfortable with silence.
o At some point during her stay in the position, she should be commanded to use her hands to spread her ass cheeks apart. Depending upon the slave's state-of-mind at the act, you can either encourage her gently, or insist roughly that you need "a better view."
Find other opportunities to increase the slave's exposure, such as random inspections of only this part of the body; watching the slave bathe or remaining with her while she uses the toilet, adding anal training to punishment or sexual acts (i.e. having to hold herself open while she stands in the corner or while you are using her from behind), or including cleansing rituals in her duties.
* The first act of "insertion" should be with a latex-gloved, lubricated finger. Even if your slave is familiar with anal play, start this way.
o An effective position for this approach is to put the slave over your knee as though you were going to spank her. The OTK position is very intimate - loving even. Bodily contact and your proximity often serve to make the act more acutely poignant.
o Watch the slave's face (you may have to insist she turn her head so you can see) for reactions as you examine her. Is she in physical pain? Emotional distress? Is the discomfort more than she can handle or exactly where you want it to be?
+ If the humiliation factor is something you enjoy, suggest to her that she have an enema next time, whether she needs one or not. (NOT if it's her first experience though...don't "play" with issues of shame in the initial stage of training.)
+ If your goal is to increase her ability for easier sexual service here, hold your finger steady and have her clench and relax her muscles, or simply encourage her until you feel her relax while moving in and out.
Using Anal Plugs:
Your collection of anal plugs should have a minimum of three sizes; small, medium and large (sizes should be proportionate to the slave, not based on what is available on the market.) Obviously you want to begin with the smallest size and work up.
* The slave should learn to hold the plug in, and be able to move about without it slipping out. While lubrication is necessary, too much makes the plug almost impossible to retain, especially if it is small.
* If you haven't set your slave up to fail by being too generous with the lube, the slave should be reprimanded and punished if the plug slips out. Move to the next size up if muscle weakness is impossible to overcome.
* The slave should be required to wear the plug for time periods that gradually increase, until you are confident that she is fully used to the plug. At that time, move up to a larger plug and begin again.
The slave wearing an anal plug is rarely comfortable enough to "forget" it's there. (If she's that comfortable, it's time to go up a size). The constant awareness, the feeling of being "stretched" open, and knowing you are watching her as she goes about her duties are such effective methods of keeping the slave in "slave space," and focusing her attention of the powerlessness of her position, that an attitude of subservience is almost guaranteed.
Public Behavior Training
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:43 am
Body: Public Behavior Training
A slave should remember her status both in BDSM-friendly and vanilla public situations. There are obvious differences between the two, and it is important that you inform your slave of her expected behavior in each. Remembering her place outside the confines of your home allows the slave to retain "space" and gives her the opportunity to express her respect for you under various circumstances. It also reminds you that you are still the Master - deserving of her service, but responsible for her behavior as well. You both should remember that her behavior reflects your training. She should be continually aware of how others perceive her Master.
In any public place, the slave should attempt to look her best, dressing and making herself up according to your requirements. Many Masters only allow their slaves to wear certain outfits, or clothing that conforms to a style that pleases them. If this is important to you, take the time to go through her closet with her, separating the clothes she is allowed to wear while with you from those she can wear to work or when she is alone, etc.
In BDSM-Friendly Spaces
Regardless of where you are, your slave's focus should be on service to you before anything else. She should be attentive and aware of your comfort. It is entirely appropriate for the slave to assume a kneel-open position at your feet unless you instruct her to do otherwise. If kneeling is not practical, she should remain standing until she hears differently. Your slave should never "assume" she is allowed on a chair at a club or on a friend's furniture. That kind of presumption denotes an instant ability to "forget" her place, and shouldn't be tolerated. If you wish your slave to sit beside you, instruct her to do so. Let the slave know beforehand if she is allowed to ask permission to use furniture.
A slave should not initiate conversation, but should reply to any appropriate question or remark directed to her, especially if the question comes from a Dominant. Her responses should be polite and succinct, and she should not offer more information than is asked for. The slave should direct her gaze to whomever is speaking, and make every effort to listen to the conversation, whether it concerns her or not. If the slave appears bored, fidgety or restless, you should politely excuse yourself, remove her from the group and reprimand her in such a way that the group is not disrupted or distracted. Poor behavior in public should never create a situation in which a slave receives extra attention, good or bad.
Permission should be sought and granted before your slave leaves your side (to use the restroom, etc.). If she is allowed that freedom of movement, she should be quick in doing whatever she is doing, and quick in returning. If you need to leave, or wish to leave your slave behind while you do something else, it is important to make certain she is not left in a vulnerable position. Check on her often, not only to monitor her behavior, but to see that she is not approached or harassed by someone else. You should feel free to conduct yourself in any manner you see fit in public, and should not feel "shackled" to a slave - however, it is simply uncaring to allow her to accompany you somewhere and then ignore her altogether. If you feel that your actions will not allow you to give her at least minimal attention, you should leave her at home.
(Recently, my slave and I ran into an acquaintance at a club. He shook our hands and told us how much he had enjoyed our scene, and then began to express his appreciation for my slave's demeanor and body. Later, my slave told me how uncomfortable it made her - not because she was receiving compliments - but because the Dominant had been preparing for a scene, but interrupted it to talk to us. His submissive had removed her clothes and was standing quietly waiting for him when he began to address her about what he considered to be my slave's fine qualities. My slave was embarrassed for his, and told me that had it been her listening to me extolling the virtues of another woman right before a scene, her feelings would have been terribly hurt. And rightly so. Although your slave is there to serve, she relies on you to help her through the event, and to reinforce her self-confidence.)
Although the BDSM community often seems conflicted as to what forms of address are appropriate, it is always wise for a slave to address a superior as "Sir" or "Ma'am." If the Dominant prefers a different form of address, it is up to him/her to impart that information to the slave. Very often, I will hear of a submissive or Dominant who believes that the title of "Sir" or "Ma'am" must be earned, just as the titles of "Master" and "Mistress" belong only to the slave's owner. This notion comes of good intentions - to protect new submissives and to remind her that the scene must be consensual. However, such innocuous titles are used in every walk of society to denote a person's status, and no less should be expected in a community whose tenets include a hierarchical structure. "Sir" and "Ma'am" are not titles that need to be earned - nor however, are they titles that must be maintained should a person prove him/herself unworthy of them.
In Vanilla Spaces
The use of a title in vanilla spaces is often appropriate. My slave calls me "Sir" no matter where we are, unless the use of the title would offend someone else or encourage them to ask questions for which they really don't want answers.
In most cases, a slave can exercise enough discretion to make her show of respect obvious to you, but invisible to the rest of the world. She can monitor her conversation, focus her attention on you, be prepared to serve you in minor capacities, walk behind you, or keep her lips/legs slightly open.
As in all vanilla situations, it is unfair to those around you to inflict your relationship upon them.
However, if you find that your slave behaves improperly in a vanilla situation, she should be reprimanded at a more convenient time. Remind her that no matter where you are, she must make every effort to see you are not embarrassed by her performance. Often, embarrassing a Master publicly is best punished publicly.
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:44 am
Body: Voice Training
Voice training is an area of training that deals as much with respect and demeanor as any other focus of a slave's training. Popular literature on the subject suggests that voice training is a more "advanced" area of training, in which the slave may even learn other languages, usually to be used in conjunction with the Owner's business dealings.
While it may be true that an elite group of Masters have such business dealings and own multiple slaves, each of whose training is specialized in one area (housekeeping, sexuality, business), most of us own one or two slaves whose skills must be diversified. This section will discuss voice training for the typical slave, and what it means day-to-day in a 24/7 relationship.
With our voices, most of us are comfortable expressing happiness, contempt, sadness, petulance, irritation, fear and an entire range of emotions. The tones of our voices underscore the looks on our faces and the movements of our bodies. The words we use reinforce the thoughts and emotions that drive us. A slave's voice, like everything else about a slave, is intended to be pleasing to the Master, and its use is integral to her training.
slaves must learn that while they may have very important things to say, to ask, or even to teach, the use of their voice is a privilege that can be denied them at any time. If used properly, the slave should be rewarded with the continued ability to speak; if used improperly, she should be denied that privilege.
The slave who is properly voice-trained has learned never to make a remark, phrase a question, or offer an idea that expresses her own needs or desires. She may have them, but she has learned to speak in such a way that they do not emerge.
The basics of voice training begin when your slave is taught to refer to you by title. Although it is part and parcel of the respect a Master deserves, you can be sure that every time your slave says "Master," or "Sir," she is not deeply considering her level of respect for you. She has learned to integrate your title into her everyday vocabulary, and it comes as easily to her as your first name would in a vanilla relationship. It is a habit - a habit of speech and voice, borne of practice - which is exactly as it should be.
As you would do with any other part of her training, before you begin practice sessions with your slave, or create a set of guidelines for her, determine what it is you want, and remain consistent in enforcing acceptable behaviors. If you choose a course of behavior for the slave, be sure you are willing to enforce it at all times, whether or not you feel so inclined.
The following are my suggestions for voice training in everyday life.
The use of the Master's title is demanded in conversation, whether at home or in public. (yielding is allowed to use "Sir" in public when "Master" is inappropriate.) Ideally, the title should follow every sentence, but for the sake of convenience and the flow of conversation, it can be allowed after every complete thought.
# During scenes, BDSM gatherings and punishments, a slave should use your title before or after every sentence.
# In places where either title would cause other people discomfort, the slave should use the Master's given name in the same way she would otherwise use title. A Master should never be referred to as "he" or "him." (i.e. "That belongs to him.") If you do not want your slave to use your first name, she can refer to you as "Mr.______" in public situations, and no undue attention will be drawn to you.
# If the slave 'forgets' or becomes lazy about the use of title, she should be reminded by spending 24 hours using the title before AND after each sentence, in a more military fashion. ("Sir, yes Sir.") yielding finds this quite uncomfortable, because it stifles the flow of her conversation, allows her less conversational latitude, and makes her feel a little foolish. Yet by doing it, she can't help but be reminded of the importance of the title.
During the course of her training, the slave should learn to refer to herself in the third person or as an objectified being. (i.e. "This slave wishes to... or "it wishes to...") Initially, choose specific times to train the slave in this way. By the end of her training, should you so desire, the slave must be capable of giving up the use of personal pronouns such as "I," "me," or even "we." ("Master and this slave is an adequate substitute for "we.")
# Even if you are not particularly concerned about self-address for your slave, she should be able to perform in this manner if called upon to do so. The forced objectification in speech is a potent reminder of the differences between you, and third person address reinforces both a focus on someone other than herself, and the idea that she is no longer her own person.
# If the slave fails to use the proper self-reference, she should be ignored until she can do so. If she has a request, but speaks in first person, the request should be immediately denied, at least for a period of time. Before her request is granted, she should be able to ask properly.
In public or at home, a slave should learn how to properly instigate a conversation (exceptions made for work and family situations, of course). Unless the slave is under punishment, you should provide ways by which she can communicate with you, both when necessary or for no other purpose than adult conversation. The following methods are helpful:
# You may wish to allow your slave to ask permission to speak. Ideally, this should be done in the third person. "Master, may this slave speak to You?" Choose a question you feel is properly phrased and respectful. If it is not used, the slave should be ignored, or the voice stifled.
# Some Masters feel that "asking" to speak is the same thing as speaking. If You feel this way, give your slave a gesture or assign her a position that alerts you to her desire to speak. The slave should make the gesture or assume the position and wait to be acknowledged before actually speaking.
# In either case, inform the slave beforehand that the performance of the gesture or position does not guarantee she will have the privilege of speech. It is merely a method of alerting you.
# Often, a gesture is more practical than a position. With a gesture, the slave can be assured that her request has been seen, and then can go back to her chores, etc., until the time you choose to allow the speech. If a position is involved, you will have to verbally acknowledge and instruct the slave, unless you have given her previous instructions that allow her to relinquish a position without permission.
# When with a non-BDSM group of people, the slave should try, if she is able, to catch your eye before engaging in conversation. Exceptions must be made depending on who you are with.
# Once allowed to speak, the slave should keep questions or comments as brief and to the point as possible, unless you have given her permission to speak freely, as in conversation.
Remind your slave that instigating conversation implies an authority and power she does not have. Assure her that rules such as this are as difficult to enforce as they are to obey; through compliance, she is maintaining the environment you have chosen for yourself and for her.
At NO TIME should a slave's voice be raised in anger toward the Master. As difficult as the instinct to "fight" or to "defend oneself" verbally is to overcome, the slave must learn to refrain from voicing anger in the traditional way. That doesn't mean she can't be angry; only that she must express the anger with deference to your position. From the beginning, you should instill this principle in the slave, and assure her that deviation from it will not be tolerated. The slave should be encouraged to find ways to say what needs to be said without inflammation. As always, exhibit patience during training, but punish when necessary.
During Punishment, Play, Sex and Conversation:
# The sounds a slave makes (or doesn't make) are under your control as well. If you are irritated or displeased by any verbal response your slave makes, you must inform her (gently is best), so she has the opportunity to change her behavior.
# If your slave expresses herself poorly, stammers, carries on, repeats herself or is not able to communicate her point in an effective manner, help her overcome any difficulties she has. Poorly expressed thoughts should be repeated succinctly.
# If you are punishing your slave physically, or spanking her as part of a scene or simply for fun, tell her beforehand what responses you are looking for. Some Masters prefer stoicism, others prefer a slave who cries out unabated.
Sexually, help your slave express herself verbally if you wish, or help her curb an overabundance of graphic talk if necessary. A slave's response should be natural, but a true slave's natural responses are based on her Master's desires.
Perhaps the most difficult concept of voice training for your slave to grasp will be the ability to speak without referring to her own wants and needs. This is not a skill that can be learned overnight or placed in a list of rules and simply obeyed. The slave's pattern of thinking needs to be altered. Importance is placed outside of herself and onto her Master.
Initial training in this area is best accomplished through verbal correction. For example, if the slave were to say, " i want to go see a movie," your response should be, "How can you rephrase that statement so that it is more acceptable?" The slave can say, "If it would please You, Sir, this slave would like to see a movie tonight." Granted, the slave is still expressing her desire, but doing so in a way that sounds far less like a demand.
Eventually, the properly voice-trained slave must learn to forego desires like these altogether. That may sound harsh and unreasonable, but with training, the slave learns to integrate her desires with yours. she will be able to perceive the proper times to ask, and will be able to discern when your desires are such that hers can be integrated with them.
It is often desirable to create an environment in which the slave is "seen, but not heard." Benefits of silent service are detailed in the short essay "The Silent slave." The following are methods by which a slave can be trained in silence:
* Unless the slave has a question, or unless the need to alert You to something is undeniable, the slave should learn not to speak unless she is spoken to. This may be difficult to accomplish in vanilla situations, but at home, have a gag handy and require an Â½ to 1 hour for an offense. (This is an exercise you may wish to incorporate for short periods of time only, at first. As the slave's training progresses, lengthen her times of silent service, and increase the punishment time as you deem appropriate.)
* Initially it is best to remove background distractions for the slave during her silence training. Turn off the music, the television, etc. Don't spend time on the phone. If the level of silence is something you cannot tolerate, invest in some decent earplugs for the slave so that her sense of hearing will be tempered.
* (The slave's should learn silence should extend beyond voice. Have the slave practice walking silently, crawling silently, bathing quietly, cleaning quietly - not a good time to give her the vacuum. Even running, if it is something you require your slave to do, can be done with relative quiet, and the slave should practice all these things.)
* During punishment:
o If you tell your slave to be quiet during a corporal punishment, be prepared. Silence at the time of a paddling is often almost impossible for many slaves. If would be terribly unfair to demand silence during this very painful time - at least in the initial stages of training.
o Isolation, corner time, or any other punishment that removes the slave for a time should be accompanied by an order to remain silent and use the time to consider her behavior and how she can improve it. A slave being punished through any technique of isolation should not be allowed to speak unless it is an emergency.
* Encourage the slave to use only as many words as she needs to convey a thought.
Punishment & Reward
Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:46 am
Body: Punishment & Reward
"Discipline is the bridge between learning and accomplishment."
- Jim Rohn
Punishing your slave (and likewise rewarding her) is part and parcel of the Master/slave relationship. Little focus is placed on the "reward," and for good reason. Most slaves feel highly rewarded with just a word or two of praise. Praise for the successful completion of duty, however, should not be overly generous. Be sure that if you reward her with small tokens she does not come to expect them simply for fulfilling her obligations. The best way to reward your slave is to tell her she's done well and that she has pleased you.
Physical or emotional discipline can be used at any time, but punishment should be reserved for acts of disobedience. Further, you should attempt to find out why the disobedience occurred before the punishment begins, and whenever possible, use a punishment that fits the crime.
Know your slave before punishing her. Not all punishments work for all slaves. Punishments that involve pain should be thoughtfully executed - a slave should know she's being punished, but should never be given more pain that she can handle. Punishments that involve isolation or ignoring your slave should be executed just as thoughtfully. Understand your slave's emotional health before inflicting an emotionally charged punishment upon her.
Do not overuse punishment. If you do, you run the risk of a slave whose obedience is based on fear rather than the genuine desire to serve. A slave should not obey because she fears punishment, but because her true desire is to make you happy. On the other hand, punishment should not be pleasurable, and the slave should understand that the consequences of disobedience will be either painful or stressful in another way. Do not "terrify" the slave into submission.
Before you begin training your slave, you will need to clarify two areas. First, decide what actions your slave should consider unacceptable to you and will involve the aide of punishment techniques should she disregard them. If your meal is not on time, will she be punished? Verbally or physically? Is it that important to you? In general, punishment should be reserved for those times the slave is disobedient, and should not be used for failure to please you.
Once you punish a mistake, you will have to continue to punish it every time it happens. This is time-consuming, but if you do not follow through, your word cannot not be trusted. If she can't trust you in this small area of the relationship, how can she be expected to acquiesce to your decisions in larger areas? Do not punish randomly and mightily just because you can. Choose carefully and wisely. Don't choose to punish so many times that you can't remember your own rules.
Many new Masters make the mistake of moving into sexual stimulation immediately after a punishment. (I made this mistake myself during our initial time together.) Punishments followed by the immediate reward of sexual gratification are not punishments at all. Your slave can learn nothing from them. If the infraction is repeated after a punishment that involves sex, the responsibility is yours, not the slave's. Unfortunately, punishing a slave is often sexually stimulating. You will have to find it within you not to succumb to your own needs while trying to instill good behaviors in your slave.
Verbal warnings are often just as effective as a physical punishment. A verbal warning should not simply be a threat, although it might contain the promise of a future disciplinary action. Verbal warnings are meant to avoid punishment, but they should be given only once.
Lecturing is a more forceful method of avoiding physical punishment. Not a yelling session, a lecture is meant to create a sense of shame and remorse in the slave who has shirked her duties. During a lecture, the slave should be placed in the position of "Attention," (or whatever position works best for your needs). She should be allowed to speak only in response to your direct questioning. If she is dressed, her skirt, panties or jeans should be around her ankles during the lecture. Full or partial nudity encourages her to become attuned to her place. During a lecture, do not speak gently. Your slave will be more responsive to a firm tone and hardened sensibilities. She should feel she has caused you displeasure, and that alone will be disconcerting to most slaves.
Many physical punishments are best preceded by a lecture. This gives you the opportunity to explain fully how your expectations were not met. Always ask your slave if she has a valid reason for disobedience (she may - and she shouldn't be punished if she does.) Most likely, any reason she gives you will not be terribly valid. If she encountered a problem with your orders, it should have been brought to your attention long before the lecture stage.
When you punish the slave, she should know she's being punished. If you want the punishment to be effective, there is no room for confusion. If corporal punishments are all sexually exciting to her, perhaps you should find another method of enforcement, or choose an instrument you know your slave doesn't like. (Some slaves hate canes, some paddles, etc.) If your slave loves gardening, it won't be very effective to send her out to pull weeds in the flower bed. It would be effective to take gardening away from her for a suitable length of time.
The slave has some responsibility while being punished as well. For example, if she is becoming sexually aroused, you might want her to admit this so you can proceed in a different manner. slave responsibilities during punishment are outlined in more detail in the essay section of this site.
Punishments are as varied as the people who prescribe them. (See Ideas for Punishment for some of my favorites, but keep in mind that just because they are listed does not mean they are all implemented. Some of them remain "promises" in the event of future disobedience, and the fear of that alone is enough for my slave to curb her behavior.) Once your slave's punishment is complete, you must give her a clean slate. Never bring up "old" infractions as a basis for judging new ones. The slave should be given the opportunity to apologize to you so that you can judge the effectiveness of the punishment.
Remember that just because you are through punishing her, your slave may not be through with the process. For my slave, the feelings of shame don't always emerge until the punishment is over. I allow her to assume an abject position for a period of time to "shake it off." Of course there are times when her punishments must be followed by an immediate return to her work.
Your slave should confess infractions to you, and should understand that if you find out later that she hasn't, the punishment will be more severe. Allow her the confession, and make certain you tell her she did the right thing. Do not, however, lessen the punishment because of the confession. Confession is a duty, not a way out of trouble.
In order to maintain a strong foundation for a Master/slave relationship the Master must remain consistent in all matters of control. He must mean what he says and demonstrate a pattern of carrying through with the promises of punishment and reward.